It's quiet in my house at 8 a.m. Of course, it usually is because everyone is at school, but today it is because almost everyone is still asleep. I have one of those days where I can't say I'm looking forward to anything... until 7 tonight. Have an IEP meeting and a PCA evaluation today and neither of them sound all that fun. But I will get them done. LIke always.
Last night Bart and I were dreaming about something we'd like to do and realized that we still have several years before what we want even comes on to the radar. There are children and adults to care for -- some who are givers, some who take, and others who do a bit of both -- and so what we need and want just can't be thought of yet.
This is why I am amazed at the reasons that others want out of commitments they make. The shallow excuses for giving up shock me when I hear them. I know that I don't live in other people's worlds or share their lives, but so much of what I hear and see is selfishness. "It's about me!!!" If I don't get what I want, then it's time to move on.
I don't get what I want all the time, but I value the commitments I have made to stick with and love the people that I have committed myself to. I believe that every marriage is 100-100, not 50-50. And sometimes, if one person is not able to fulfill their part, the other person may have to chip in some more and for a time it may be 120-80, or 150-50. But it's always my job to attempt the 100%.
I also am convinced that I can say I'm sorry regardless of whether or not I'm wrong. I can say I'm sorry that we are having a conflict. I can say I'm sorry that things aren't going well. I can be sorry and still not be admitting that I was the root of the problem. And sorry even though it "seems to be the hardest word" is often the most powerful.
Giving 100% or more, saying sorry, putting my needs second -- sounds like a doormat, doesn't it? But nothing could be farther from the truth. If I choose these things, then my life is full of all kinds of adventures and good things, even if I'm not getting exactly what I think I want or need.
Now, please do not ask me how I got off on this tangent, because I have no clue. I'm not even sure it made much sense. But there you have it. A brain dump for Tuesday morning....