Similarities

I have a zillion choices of what I might be blogging right now ... just had a fun lunch with Mike and Kari and Sue for a few minutes. I was waxing philosophical and lots of blog topics came up as possibilities....

However, my fun lunch was ruined immediately when I got into the car by a call from my daughter screaming at me becuase her transfer request was not in the mail. The history was this: I requested the form the day it came. It came on Saturday and I asked her if we could talk about it. She didn't get around to talking to me until yesterday. So I was putting it in the mail today -- it's almost finished. But she called at lunch time to ask me if I had a chance to talk to the school and I explained that the superintendent had to make the decision and that it was going to take a while. She started screaming at me and turned the whole focus into how stupid I was for not getting the form done. I responded that she was the one who refused to talk to me for days..... and it went downhill from there.

After she hung up on me it occurred to me that the phone call had nothing to do with the transfer form. Something bad must have happened to her at school and she couldn't possibly call me to talk to me. She had to yell at someone and, of course, that someone was me, becuase she can't yell at herself for her bad choices. So make the whole thing about me not filling out the form.

I texted her immediately and told her that I was sorry she was having a bad day and that I'd be praying for her today and that if she wanted to talk to me about the real reason she was upset I'd be happy to listen. I also apologized for arguing with her and not figuring out faster why she was yelling.

I then came home and sat at my desk and read this blog entry from Kari about 5 year old Anna and I quote

Anna doesn't have the ability to tell me everything she is feeling and her frustrations came out in tears today.

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And I realized that Salinda doesn't have the ability to tell me everything she is feeling and her frustrations came out in anger and accusations today. Salinda may be 14 and does not have FASD, but the whole "what is the core issue" question needed to be asked in both situations. Kari asked it, I forgot to.

Why is it that I can't figure things out three or four minutes earlier and respond to the issue instead of to the words?

I have so much to learn.