I guess I'm feeling a bit better this morning. You've convinced me I should probably see a doctor, though I think maybe I'm just getting old and don't have the energy I once had and I keep packing way too much into my life and it wears me out. Plus I haven't been to the Y for a couple weeks.
One of the things that I think is most difficult about parenting children with mental health issues is keeping oneself free of resentment. There are so many things that frustrate me and aren't as I prefer and it can easily fester underneath my skin until I am carrying an undercurrent of anger that I have to force myself to let go.
These last few weeks it has been my "adult" children who are not working nor working very hard to get jobs. Having them here while I am overworked gets under my skin like nothing else. I think that you probably know that from recent posts.
This past week John kept saying over and over again how badly he needed to get a job. And then he rented 4 movies and watched them back to back. Last night he went and finally picked up 20 applications at the mall. He has spent the afternoon in front of the computer watching YouTubes.
Rand has literally (and you think I'm kidding but I'm not) filled out over 100 applications over the past 3 years that he never turns in. His goal is to LOOK like he is trying to get a job, not to get a job.
And then of course they will say whatever they think they need to say in order to fool me into thinking something different than the truth. As you can imagine, it doesn't work well with me and only escalates my frustration.
I am having to tell myself more each day things like "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out" as I monitor my own resentment.
I know that if I could let some of this go then I would feel better. I'm going to have to do just that....