I'm Mad

Today I am attempting not to be, but I am finding myself mad. Just downright mad. Mad to the point of being almost unable to function. And maybe mad isn't the exact phrase I should use, but I am frustrated and upset about several things.

Let me articulate them for you, since I'm sure you're intrigued.

1) I'm frustrated at the whole cycle of medications and their management. Dominyk looked like he was starving because he was so skinny for the first 10 and a half years of his life. He was always in the lowest percentage of height and weight. Then he started taking Abilify and started gaining weight like crazy. We've tried to control it, but he went from not caring at all about food to being obsessed with it. We tried other medications because the weight gain was averaging 8-10 pounds a month, but then his behavior was horrible. So we went back to this medication and watched the weight continue to increase. However, the last three months it has only been an increase of 5 pounds in 3 months instead of 10 pounds a month like it was. But the lecture and the implication is the same -- it is some how our fault that he is fat. And, looking at me, she has good reason to believe it to be true. Today she suggested that the whole family stop having any kind of food that was not nutritious and that all of us give up pop altogether.

Now, there are probably some of you who are applauding her and agreeing. However, there are others of you who do horrible things like eat cookies and drink pop who might realize the frustration of being accused of somehow making a kid fat who lived in your home for 10 years as a very skinny child. It's not like we just started eating foods that weren't good for us on the day he started taking the Abilify.

2) John has already blown out of his foster care placement as of yesterday. I was hoping it wouldn't happen -- or at least not this soon, but I have always been able to predict his patterns. He apparently had not been taking any medication and after three weeks of being outside of a structured environment with no medication and he got violent. I spent weeks trying to keep them from making this decision (to return him to foster care) and finally gave up. Now, three weeks later he is already been told he can't return to that foster home and is now going to a detention facility/residential setting for stabilization until they try another foster home. Meanwhile, he had to give up the job he had when he was at the ranch, never got a job here, is heading towards 18 with no money and no job, and .... ok, Ok, you're getting the picture. When he is done there he will have to switch schools...again.

3) The Child Welfare System and all of it's implications is about to drive me crazy in my jobs. Today I received an email that made me so frustrated -- it was one of those accusatory ones insinuating that I have some ulterior motive in what I do. I seriously have never had any other motivation than finding homes for kids before they age out in the most time-efficient way as possible. I am never upset if my family is not chosen but the child finds a home. I'm not attempting to be self-serving or competitive. I just try to my jobs, do them well, do them consistently. So when folks become territorial and accusatory, it throws me off.

I think that's enough for now. Bart did a much better job of articulating some of the same frustrations in his post today.