There is a situation right now in my professional life that I cannot blog anything about because it is confidential. It is a situation that is not ending well that I had a part in. It is a situation that will results in kids being hurt.
It is the temptation of everyone in this picture to say "it's not my fault, it is the fault of _________." But at his moment, I am not going to go that route. I have a need for someone in the situation to stand up and say "I did this. I hurt kids when I was trying to help them. I accept responsibility. I could not control the whole thing, but there are things I could have done differently."e's
There are those who are trying to relieve some of my responsibility by saying things like "you did your best" and "you weren't in this alone."
But based on the years I have spent watching "the system" make decisions while individuals said "not my fault" that I cannot let myself do that.
I started this post hours ago. I am struggling with what to say. But maybe I will just need to say nothing more than what I've already said.
4 comments:
I am impressed no end to finally hear someone who is part of the system say this kind of thing. I am grateful for your admission--but don't beat up on yourself too much. Everyone makes mistakes.
I hope you taking responsibility brings some comfort in doing the right thing.
I think what moved me about this so was that in all the years I have been dealing with social workers, there has never been any acknowledgement of responsibility for anything that happened on their side. It's especially annoying because they so heavily emphasize *our* responsibility in their rhetoric about what is happening and the reasons why they are involved in our lives. But they never bear any responsibility. If they do something damaging to us, and they have multiple times, that's because "it's policy."
So I really respect this. I was thinking last night that your experience "on the other side," i.e., as the parent of adopted children and thus the object of social work efforts, probably influenced you here--it would be nice if the social workers who set up your son to fail by failing to follow up on the necessary support services that might have helped him when he left residential care this time said "this is our fault. we didn't set him up with the necessary support so he could succeed in his work program," etc.
I am doubtful that you will start a trend here. But what you write proves that you are a truly wonderful, caring individual. Thank you.
I agree with Flacius that it is admirable that you are contemplating this. Few people take responsibility for what happens to kids in the system and fingers are always pointed at someone else. I talked with a worker recently who used to work for a county. She had placed a teen in an adoptive home that did not work out. She was telling me about how sad the situation was, that the girl was going to age out. She said she wished she could apologize. My response was, "Why don't you? This kid could use one adult telling her they were sorry for how things turned out."
I don't know what your situation is but even if it isn't your fault what if you apologized to the kids in general for how things turned out? I have read that people who apologize profusely are much more successful in life than those who don't :)
Hang in there. What you are doing with your life is wonderful, being a mom and making other women moms and giving kids new moms. I wish I had known about you when I started my adoption journey :) --Torina
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