When we were kids (and still, actually) my dad loved to make us laugh. Usually reserved and quiet, every once and a while he did and said something silly or ironic to make us laugh.
One of his traditions was to say on his anniversary, “11 years with the wrong woman”, or “17 years with the wrong woman.“ We would giggle because we knew that he knew that she knew that he believed that she was the perfect woman for him and always would be.
So yesterday when I called my parents first thing in the morning to wish them happy anniversary, I said to my Dad ”43 years with the wrong woman.“ And he quipped, ”You know, I’ve begun to ponder that.“
As if all the sudden, after 43 years, maybe he was thinking, for the first time, that he might have ended up with the right woman after all.
My parents are a classic example of a marriage where from day one the possibility of divorce was never pondered. It simply was not an option in either of their minds.
Sixty two years ago, when my mom was 13 and my dad was 20, he came to work for her father. My mom was lying in bed, as it was fairly late in the evening, but she could see my dad and his buddy through a crack in the door. Two thoughts crossed her mind, ”That man needs a haircut“ and ”I’m going to marry him someday.“
They knew they were in love way back then, but followed God’s call on their lives, heading in different directions. Twenty years later they reunited, having served God and their church as single people, and realized they were still in love. Neither had dated anyone else those whole twenty years.
And so, 43 years ago yesterday, they said their vows in front of a tiny crowd in an inner-city Denver church, and began to make a life. Eleven months later, I was born to two people who, though they knew nothing about bonding and attachment, did the most excellent job of making sure my every need was met. I am sure that I occupied almost all of their free time as they were SO excited to be parents.
I remember when I was in third grade one of my friends told me her parents were getting divorced. I announced publicly that my parents would NEVER get divorced. My friends laughed at me and said, ‘How can you know that? You don’t know what will happen.“ And I, will all of the confidence of an eight year old said, ‘Some things you just know.”
So, happy anniversary, Mom and Dad. Thanks for making me right, as you know I love being right. And thanks for giving me such a great example of so many things, one of which is a marriage where divorce isn’t even in the range of possibility. And thanks for giving birth to me and loving me, attaching to me, building my self confidence, and contributing so much to who I am today.
It is because of you that I’m who I am, for better or worse, and I’m eternally grateful.
3 comments:
I want to add my thanks to your mom and dad, Claudia. They raised you to be the kind of person who changes our world for the better and I am proud to know you. Their acts of love toward each other and toward you contributed to your ability to love those who haven't had such an example in their lives. Love is pretty powerful stuff. Your tribute to your parents is beautiful, thank you for writing it. ~Kari
There are things you just know, whether you're 8 or 80. I knew with certainty that my parents would never consider any other substitute than each other.
I, too, want to add my thanks to your parents and congratulate them on 43 years together!
Thank you, Claudia, for sharing this.
I think that's wonderful!
My parents will be married 50 years in March.
They have some friends who have been married about 55 years, another set who have been married 35 years, & both sets of my grandparents were married over 50 years.
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