A Paradigm Shift

I just realized that I’ve developed, over the years, Panic Disorder, when it comes to the phone and mail. Ten years ago, when I was single, I used to love getting mail and getting a phone call. Now whenever it rings or whenever the mail comes, I worry about what it might bring.

Discipline slips come in the mail, for example. I have kept every one in my files because I have a plan: When all of my kids are out of high school, I want to go back and count them and measure them. At that time I am going to determine how many rooms of the house I could have wallpapered with them.

Court Documents also come in the mail -- except for when they are very serious, as I learned yesterday. In order for for the social workers to follow the law, ours had to file a permanent foster care order for our our son at the Ranch. Her plan is to ask for a continuance in court until he completes the program, at which time she will file an order for him to return home. But, this order which is called “Petition for the Termination of Parental Rights OR Other Permanency Plan Petition” is served by the sheriff. So yesterday I was served TPR papers by the sheriff (went along with the news about Mike and the washer breaking -- great day!).

Phone calls come from angry children who don’t live here, from their caseworkers and therapists, and from their treatment center staff. Phone calls come from the school with all manner of interesting and troubling information.

So, I have gone from dreading the phone ringing and the mail coming. I find myself getting cold extremities at its sound (kind of like Pavlov’s dogs. Call it classical conditioning if you will).

Caller ID should help, but it doesn’t always. For example, we have friends that I love talking to who, because he is a physician, have a blocked number. So does social services here in town. So when I see “Private” I don’t know whether to rejoice or panic.

Sometimes my caller ID doesn’t show up and I have grown to hate that, because I like to know what to expect.

“Let the machine get it” I am sure some of you are thinking. But I CAN’T let a phone just ring....

All of that to say that I think it is interesting how things can change -- from phone calls and mail being something I longed for to something I dread....