Sometimes things get so overwhelming for me that I almost feel paralyzed. Stress does that to me. I have friends who are motivated and work better when there is crisis and an overload of stress, but it just shuts me down.
I’m sure that without my jobs my life would still be high on the stress-o-meter. Ten kids, many with special needs, a husband who is in a high-profile, people saturated profession where he is not always the hero, living in a retirement neighborhood, county involvement in our lives....
And then add my jobs and the crisis that everyone there experiences that I have to support them through ...
I realized this week that I was ill prepared for conflict and chaos. I grew up in one of the most incredibly stable homes you could imagine. Very little ever changed from one day to the next. I can’t remember my parents even having an argument in front of us. Everything was well planned out . . . there were few surprises. Faith was simple and God was good and there was nothing that couldn’t be handled with enough faith and prayer.
I live with a house full of people for which this was not the case. They grew up surrounded by chaos and conflict and without a secure base. They are much more comfortable than I with negative emotions and anxiety.
It seems odd that a good start to life would make me so inept at something that people without a good start are so good at.
(And if you have followed this blog, there is something seriously wrong with you)
2 comments:
I just wanted to tell you that I held a little miracle in my arms the other day - a miracle you had a hand in. A dear friend of mine had an 8 month old baby boy (the cutest ever, i might add) placed with her family and it was coordinated through AAN. The joy on their faces when the they met that child was immeasurable. God is using you to change lives.
I always knew there was something wrong with me; now I know it's serious!
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