Friday, September 23, 2011

I Guess We're Supposed to Assume...

Since we haven't heard anything for a week I'm assuming we aren't adding to our family. And I'm fine with it. I am just surprised that we never heard back.

I feel good about the progress that I made at work yesterday. I finished three projects that I had been working on for weeks, one of them for months, and it felt good. I also spent a bit of time working on the book, which is getting nearer and nearer completion. In fact, by Sunday evening we may even be taking pre-orders!

Meanwhile, life continues to go on.... I receive emails and calls from teachers every day about how my kids won't do their home work or how they talk back and refuse to listen in class. I almost prefer them being here watching TV all day -- at least then I'm not having to be made to feel like a bad parent for not "making them" get homework done.

One of the interesting pieces of parenting kids like ours is that a "normal" kid, whatever that is, who doesn't have attachment issues, will do things to please a parent that they love and trust even if they don't want to do it. But if a kid doesn't have that kind of connection by the time they are too big to pick up and put somewhere, you can't really MAKE a kid do anything.

Dominyk is now pushing 6'1 and weighs nearly 250 pounds. I can't "MAKE" him do anything, especially not Geometry. I can't get him to do his chore or clean his room without threatening the most severe of consequences -- nothing to drink but water for several days.

They are getting natural consequences at school this year for not having assignments done. And they have natural consequences for life if they don't graduate. But the bottom line is that getting involved in the control battle of homework is no longer on my agenda once they hit high school.

So I guess I'd rather get the calls than fight the homework battle... my "natural consequences" for being a bad parent :->

Did you know that :-> is the emoticon for sarcasm? See, you learned something new today.


Michelle, Dave & Babes said...

Can you expand on the homework thing a bit? My son is in grade 5, we're still involved in homework battles. My constant refrain is "Sure you can do X (play with friends/watch tv), just as soon as your homework's finished." It wears me out and tears at our relationship. I try really, really hard not to nag, but don't always succeed.

DynamicDuo said...

We gave up the homework battle back in 8th grade. Wasn't worth the war and battles here at home. We told the school that we would no longer put our family on the line for work the girls were not capable of doing on their own, if the work was that important to the teacher then the teachers and paras could spend the time "Making" the girls do the work.
So we really don't have the homework battle, what we still are working on is turning in the assignment after its completed.
Although that can't be that critical towards their grading, seeing as they can fail repeatedly and still get A,B,C's for grades.
;0< (snarky sarcasm..?)

AnnMarie said...

My daughter just started homework in 1st grade. Having had problems getting her to do "homework" this summer (she wanted to!) + the fact that I don't think kids should have homework (I've a PhD in education and teach in education and read research and opinions about this kind of thing), I've already decided to not have homework battles. It is not my responsibility to make sure my child does work for school. If the teachers call, we'll stick with the story that they should talk to her, not to us. She's only 6 and the only thing I can make her do is stay in her room--and that's only because I can still carry here there!

(It's already annoying because she can't read the instructions on her homework so I have to help her with it. They shouldn't give kids who can barely read hw w/ instructions!)

Jen said...

When my oldest was in third grade, I had "no homework" put into his IEP accomodations/modifications. He was spending ALL of his energy each day just to keep himself together at school, and falling apart at home if presented with challenges such as homework or chores. Falling apart equalled screaming, throwing rages which lasted 30 minutes or more. He went into self-contained classes in fifth grade and was given no homework since he had plenty of time and help finishing his assignments in class. Now, in high school, in general education with inclusion support, I can't make that boy do his homework. I do my part by meeting frequently with his teachers, brainstorming with them ways to help him succeed, getting makeup work when he refuses to go to school, sending homework assignments with him to his afterschool program, and I've even asked his math and English teachers to fax or email his assignments to his afterschool program since those are the two classes he is failing. I tell him each time I do these things so he knows all the ways I support his success in school, and to model diligence. If he chooses not to do his part, his entire team knows IT'S ON HIM. He'll start to care about homework when it is important to him in some way that makes sense to his ODD/ADHD brain, and then and only then will he start to do it.