I feel like a horse getting ready for a big race. I'm in the starting gate waiting to kick things into high gear. But the thing is, the whole race could be cancelled any minute.
I'm really completely OK with not being selected to parent another child. It would be wonderful if we could, the social workers described him in such a way that we are already loving him, but if the answer is no, it is no.
Except that, if the answer is yes, we have a LOT of work to do in order to get things ready (with the house, not emotionally) and so I need to get things moving in that direction -- except that, if it isn't happening I sure don't need to add that to my plate right now when we're trying to get the book published etc. So the idea of doing it anyway, which I might recommend to other families, just doesn't seem like a good plan at he moment.
And so I stand, at the starting gate, my feet stomping like a horses, waiting for the call or email that will either begin or end the race. And standing here in the gate is driving me crazier by the minute.
But I'm sure all the rest of you would be just fine with it. Except for Tubaville who may even be more anxious than I am about it. :-)