I swear I have some PTSD. I have been gone from home for nearly two straight weeks -- with the exception of that 36 hours that I was home last weekend. I have been functioning as a knowledgeable professional giving valuable insight to over 100 caseworkers and adoption homestudy workers all week long. I have talked about how to parent tough kids by self-differentiation and not taking things personally.
Yet I confess to consistently dreading every bit of news from home, just sure that it is going to make me anxious and upset. There is nothing I can do about it from here, but the knowledge that at any moment things could go awry is nerve wracking. Funny thing is, things haven't really gone awry. I just keep worrying they will.
Part of my issue is that I am tired. Exhausted is probably a better word. I've been going full blast all week long and for some reason my ankles and Seattle do not mix well. I swear they are triple their size after training four days in a row (this morning went very well by the way). So I end up more anxious because I'm tired.
But I feel like I have some kind of post traumatic stress anxiety. Because so many things could go wrong, I am waiting for the shoe to drop all the time. And even when things go really well for days or even weeks at a time I'm still waiting for the stress that is due to come at some point.
I have slept a lot this week attempting to stay physically strong enough to deal with my schedule here. Unfortunately, the bed is hard and I wake up with a backache if I sleep too long.
I think it's time for me to go home.
But first? A nice meal out with someone I really like. And then I'll sleep, pack, and be on my way for a long day of travel...