Friday, May 21, 2010

PTSD. Contagious?

I swear I have some PTSD. I have been gone from home for nearly two straight weeks -- with the exception of that 36 hours that I was home last weekend. I have been functioning as a knowledgeable professional giving valuable insight to over 100 caseworkers and adoption homestudy workers all week long. I have talked about how to parent tough kids by self-differentiation and not taking things personally.

Yet I confess to consistently dreading every bit of news from home, just sure that it is going to make me anxious and upset. There is nothing I can do about it from here, but the knowledge that at any moment things could go awry is nerve wracking. Funny thing is, things haven't really gone awry. I just keep worrying they will.

Part of my issue is that I am tired. Exhausted is probably a better word. I've been going full blast all week long and for some reason my ankles and Seattle do not mix well. I swear they are triple their size after training four days in a row (this morning went very well by the way). So I end up more anxious because I'm tired.

But I feel like I have some kind of post traumatic stress anxiety. Because so many things could go wrong, I am waiting for the shoe to drop all the time. And even when things go really well for days or even weeks at a time I'm still waiting for the stress that is due to come at some point.

I have slept a lot this week attempting to stay physically strong enough to deal with my schedule here. Unfortunately, the bed is hard and I wake up with a backache if I sleep too long.

I think it's time for me to go home.

But first? A nice meal out with someone I really like. And then I'll sleep, pack, and be on my way for a long day of travel...


waldenbunch said...

Yes, I so get it. Always waiting for something to happen because it always does. No matter how much progress you make these are still wounded children and we need to expect the unexpected. Amen on the PTSD.

Sam said...

Yeah, tired's like a magnet for PTSD. Speaking of shock value, there's a bold sex ad at the end of your post today.

Claudia said...

Wow, Sam. Thanks. I have removed it. I can't believe that company did that to me. Yikes.