I changed some stuff today. I should know better. But they'll figure it out. Most of our kids have lived with us a long time and you would think that changes and transitions would not be such triggers. And even though their response is better -- dirty looks and stomping away instead of raging, for example -- my kids just flat out don't like change.
I changed the chore combinations. Recently I allowed three of my children to choose to do more chores for more money. Since the groupings were getting annoying and there was little variety for those doing two chores, I mixed things up a little. You would have thought by one's response, that I had asked him to change schools.
I also changed the routine. Instead of everyone bombarding me after school, I explained to the children that from now on I would deal with the older kids school stuff after the little kids went to bed. They thought this seemed like a great plan as they would be able to stay up later.
But now the first after school time came and they were ready to bombard simultaneously with the "little kids" (ages 9-11). The response I got when I reminded them that I would do their stuff later tonight was what I would expect if I had refused to come to their wedding or something.
Our 7th graders are feeling especially annoyed today. Their once easy world that included lots of free time is gone forever. Now they have band practices and instrument practice and extra homework. And sports practice is every night, not just a couple times a week. That means that instead of 4 hours of free time a night, they might have one or two IF they don't have much homework.
Tonight my youngest had his anticipated meltdown. His meds wear off right about when school gets out and he has spent his day trying not to cry when he doesn't have friends and he thinks his teacher talks too much (a common problem for him). So when he gets home, it is time to CRY! He recovered more quickly than usual though and is off playing now.
We went to a staffing today for our son at the ranch. The report could not have been much better. He is doing everything he is supposed to do and more. He has even become a leader at school who is helping his peers to change their negativity (their words, not mine). And his grades are better than they've been in years. He gets to come home for the weekend. Today everyone seemed pleased with his progress and it may even be that we are going to be allowed to have him come home when he completes the program and not have to jump through any more hoops.
The lightless tunnel belongs to our son in the RTC. He has decided now that his attorney is his friend and that his parents are his enemy (even though he expects us to welcome him home with open arms if he can get out). We found out today, though, after many stressful conversations, that the same judge who is signing his placement papers to keep him in the institution is the one who is going to hear his juvenile deliquency case. Not sure the attorney is going to try to fight against the judge.
This particular son has a combination of FAS, ODD, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. To put this in layman's terms, he needs an external brain because his doesn't function like everyone elses, but he believes he is all powerful and can control his destiny, and refuses to listen to anyone who has advice for him. Thus he concludes that a certain path would be best ofr him, when in fact, it would not, and believes that he has the power to make it come true, often ostrasizing those he needs most in the process.
As much as I get frustrated and annoyed with him, the bottom line is that I feel very sad for him as he seems to be getting more entrenched in these patterns instead of making progress.
Time will tell, I guess.
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