Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Morning After (Dictated to Kari)

I was back in the room and settled into bed by 4am and Bart stayed until 4:30am. My sedation resulted in me not being able to clearly tell you everything that happened in the four hours between 4:30 and 8:30 except that I must have been interrupted at least 37 times. Each time I met someone new I made a point to make an impression on them. Typically by saying something shocking or embarrassing. My strategy in catching new victims unaware was to ask questions in a serious tone that would appear to be genuine. Especially ones that baffled these nurses and other staff. Examples would include:

1. Do you realize you are one of the very few people in the world who has ever seen me naked?

2. You have seen a body more disgusting than this before, haven't you?

3. I won't be taking a walk down the hall until I have my panties on because I do have compassion on society.

4. Is that hole you are about to put in my arm really necessary?

5. Did you really just say that you are tired at the beginning of your shift when you are about to stick that needle in me?!

I had an elderly roommate whose family came early in the morning to transfer her to hospice care. The woman's daughter introduced herself to me and I explained to her that I could be entertaining but eventually might become annoying. I invited her to point out to me when that line had been crossed.

As the morning proceeded I was visited by the medical doctor, the surgeon, the cardiologist, the PA who assisted the surgeon and several misc individuals of varying races, educational levels, senses of humor, and tolerance. However, I never failed to attempt to get a smile, even out of the most irritable and serious. Keeping others laughing kept me going all morning until it was time for my Transesophageal Echocardiogram.

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