Thursday, February 11, 2010

Samu, the Nurses' B**** (Dictated to Kari)

I was going to attempt to remember the stories of every time I attempted to entertain the staff here but it is all running together now and I can't really keep them apart. So instead, I will just tell you about my friend Samu.

On Tuesday night he was the 11pm to 7am PCA. Apparently PCA stands for Patient Care Assistant which in some places is a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant). After I got to know him I asked what PCA stood for and he said he wasn't really sure. He confided in me, however, that he was really just the nurses' b****, regardless of his title.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. When Samu walked in I had just paged a nurse to come and help me go to the bathroom. Since at this time I was still panty-less, my bathroom trip would involve mooning whoever was helping me. He said he was fine helping and I asked him the question, "Come on now, you HAVE seen a body more disgusting than mine, right?" He had not idea how to respond. He stuttered, stammered, and refused to answer. Most people would let that go but I pushed him and asked the question again until he finally blurted out, "I did see a 700 pound man once."

Later in the evening I discovered that Samu is half Finnish and therefore he had not been named after the whale, although he did say that he gets that a lot. However, his first name is really Eric, so I gave him quite a bit of crap about choosing to go by his middle name when it is Samu. I mentioned to him that he was one of my favorite victims of my sense of humor because of how baffled he was by my earlier question. I reminded him that he had failed to point out that the 700 pound man's body was more disgusting than mine. He finally did agree that it was.

The rest of the night there was plenty of banter back and forth between Samu and I and I concluded by 7am that having a nurses' b***** around is really not a bad thing.

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