Tuesday, May 19, 2009

This is the first time...

I really haven't felt like blogging about something. The situations are just so real, and so personal, and have so many repercussions for years to come that I hate to even think about it, much less report it.

I took Salinda to the Cities today -- to take a test for school. We did fine until I mentioned school at which point she acted just like she always does -- mean, nasty, telling me to shut up and get out of her life. But we worked through it and moved on.

I made her tell her brothers at supper. She didn't want to. When she finished telling them, she looked at me and said, "There. Are you HAPPY?" I said, "Happy about what? That a child is going to be born? Yes. Happy about the way you're handling this at the moment, no."

John's girlfriend's mom called today. Let's just say she learned a lot of things she didn't know. And so did I. And I won't be paying bail. And she probably won't be either.

I just kept thinking all day, "I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS." Neither of these situations were my choice. In fact, I worked hard to make sure neither happened. I worked for years to prevent all this. Their choices are not only messing up their lives but mine too.

And I don't like it one bit.


Foster Ima said...

I've been lurking for a while but feel brought to comment, though I suspect it will be less articulate than I would like.

From reading your blog, it is very clear to me that you have the strength and the resources to weather the storms that are battering your family right now. I hope that my reassurance and that of the other people who have commented on your recent posts helps to lift you up when you are struggling.

My best to all of you.

Anonymous said...

Claudia, So many times I have felt like this is so "not what I signed up for". Reading your blog and Bart's blog is part of what taught me that I cannot control my children's choices anymore than I could control a tornado. This doesnt mean you are a bad parent. It means you have some new challenges. I hope it helps to know that many people are thinking of you and praying for strength for you and your family.