And Now, for the Update on Salinda

Salinda didn't have a good start to her day. She got in trouble last night for being rude and so she lost her hygiene box for the morning. So she didn't shower and didn't have makeup to wear for court. She also ended up getting sent to school (we're still trying to figure out why, since court started at 10 and it is a 90 minute drive). So when Bart arrived to pick her up he had to go to the school with a staff member to get her out of class and then they couldn't find her hygiene box. So she had to return home with no makeup or perfume or anything else like that.

When we finally all got to court we had to sit an extra 30 minutes. She ended up receiving 30 days of House Arrest with yet another ankle bracelet, 30 hours on the juvenile work crew, and a list of things she can't do and has to do (like not break the law, take drugs, etc. and go to school, obey rules, etc). If she can complete this things and be law abiding for six months, then her record will be cleared (stay of adjudication). If she doesn't, she will go to trial and most likely lose her right to get a driver's license for a full year after her 16th birthday. Hopefully these consequences will be enough to keep her out of trouble.

Ironically, it was the same judge that was present when I wrote a long letter to be read in court for John last year. In that letter I articulated the following as part of my plea to not have John return to our hometown:

In addition, the sibling who is most influenced by John is having a very rough few months. She is trying to decide what kind of life she wants to live and is in a very precarious position. Because she is a birth sibling to John, she is very loyal to John and his values. John has glorified a lifestyle which has led her to make some very poor choices over the past few months. John's obsession over the past year about gangs and racism have had a very negative impact on her. Again, these two will connect as soon as they can and try to do so without us knowing about it.

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I cannot blame John for Salinda's choices. But I did see how his coming back to our town would affect her a year ago. I stated it to the judge. I predicted further challenges. He returned to our town, did see her without our permission, and today she stood before the same judge.

I'm sure he didn't remember our family or the fact that I was worried about this very thing happening. But I did.

Now, at this volatile moment in her life, once again, John will be returning to our town. He will be attending the same school as Salinda. He is very nervous about the transition and is very good at messing up things he is nervous about. And on top of it all, he is not taking his medications, which makes him very agitated and unpredictable.

I have beat my head against the wall for a long time trying to create what we believe to be the best possible scenario for our son and our family, But the bottom line is that "the system" doesn't have the same agenda. They have policies, they have procedures, they have financial constraints. And if you happen to be a round peg, you might just fit in that round hole and get your needs met.

But what if you happen to be square?