I have a memory like a steel trap. I remember everything. And so my question tonight is, when a teenager is angry and says something, should it be remembered? Taken to heart? Taken personally? Discussed later?
I knew I would hear it at some point or another. Guess I didn't expect it to be so soon. And even though I'm trying not to let it bug me, it is.
today she said, ironically while I was giving her a ride to get prenatal vitamins that our insurance is paying for, "Well, it's not REALLY your grandchild anyway."
5 comments:
Oh Claudia, I'm sorry.
Angela :-)
OWWWWW. Words hurt. You could always revisit the comment at a later date. Another blogger reminded me if you look under the anger there is usually sadness and fear. So: Is it sadness or fear under her angry comment?(I am sad you aren't bio-gram and I am not with my bio fam during this time OR I am afraid you won't stick by me & be grandma to the baby) Either way it stinks when they are angry!!
I'm a 35 year old adoptee and I can tell you that I cringe now at some of the mean things I said to my mom. Don't take her words personally, it's the age old "I'll hurt you before you have a chance to hurt me. In her mind, she was probably expecting you to say something like what she said to you. Do keep reasuring her through words and proving through actions that she (and her child) ARE your family.
I have every faith that you will do the right thing and don't need my advice.
That said, since it's all about me, I just want to share about my relationship with my mom. Yelling would occur (honestly, I don't remember to what extent I yelled at my mom, or if it was just her yelling at me), I would escape to my room or to school or a friend's, and then the next time I saw her, it would be like nothing had happened. And even though this was the pattern for the entire 18 years that I lived at home, it always made me nervous. I wished she would bring it up again to clear the air.
So I would recommend saying something.
OUCH, the ol' "your not my real Mom" taken up one notch.
Had the, "your not my real Mom" thrown at me last night. It stings. But, I'm not overly patient and retorted quite quickly, "Oh yes I am your real mother!!"
We had a calmer talk about it all later, but it still stings.
It was good to read Tricia's comments here.
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