Friday, March 13, 2009

They'll Pick the Highway

I started my parenting journey as a "My Way or the Highway" parent. I had rules, and by George, you were gonna follow them or consequences would be harsh. And if you continued to not comply they got harsher. But I suddenly realized that if a kid has Conduct Disorder or ODD, they'll pick the highway.

The difference is.... when you're they're parent, and you have legal responsibility for them, you have to go with them on the highway.

And the highway ain't fun.

Those of you with personalities like mine who have parented kids like mine know what I'm talking about. Our choice is not to change them or fix them. Our choice is to change our parenting style or suffer. Big time. All the time.

And even if we change it, we still suffer, just not quite as badly.

Sometimes I relapse into my old ways and dig my heals in and get caught in a power struggle until I finally come to my senses and realize how much it isn't working.

And then I go back to reminding myself of how to achieve something good and I re-evaluate and move one.

But if you have a personality like mine you know that is not an easy task.

But even though my way is better they won't pick it and I hate the highway. because often the highway is the lowest possible road of all.


Our Family said...

Wow! That is so needed for me today. I am like that Claudia...I am working on changing my parenting style and even though my kids dont have conduct Disorder, they have RAD and PTSD and Bipolar all of which helps them challenge everything we do..Last night I lost it and slapped my son for his sassy mouth and I have not done that in a long time. I am glad we are all getting a break this week. I am praying for you.

Our Family said... you can gather, we are not into "violence". I just want to make that very clear. (-;

Other Mother said...

You are so, so correct! We are learning the same thing, on a daily basis.

Linda B. said...

Oh my husband needs to read this like right now! Thanks for writing it and backing me up. Maybe hearing it from someone other than me he'll think about it! Glad you are feeling better!

Mom in MN said...

You are so right-on about this! The highway is not an easy road sometimes, but it's better than nowhere to go at all.