Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It Shouldn't Be Blog Worthy . . .

. . . but I had time to shave my legs this morning. I am hoping that you people think that there are times when I shave my legs and forget to put it on the blog, but that may not be true. If not, it's been since August 8th and I really can't believe it's been that long.

So, I, with you, hope that I did it somewhere in between and just forgot to blog it.

We are up and ready for the day. Bart is going to sessions while I work this morning and then we present at 1. He presents after that and then we head home.

Last night we had dinner with a group of parents who have children with Mental Health issues. It is always interesting to hear the stories of people who share our plight (at least some of it anyway).

I was reminded last night of how ironic it is that adoptive parents want a guarantee that they will not have to deal with certain mental health challenges. Most of the people that we met last night gave birth to children with the issues that adoptive parents will not accept when they read a profile. They certainly never signed up for the lives they have, but they face their challenges with dignity and character.

In the adoption world parents would like to pick and choose what they are given, and we have that right. However, pregnant women do not. The difference is that if birth parents have an extremely difficult child, nobody is encouraging them to "give them back" or saying "well, this is what you wanted." I don't know if there is more compassion and understanding on behalf of others for those parents ... but at least they are not blamed for "choosing" a difficult life.

At least as a society we have come far enough not to look at a child with a physical disability and assume that it's the parents fault. And as Kari has often blogged, we all long for a day when mental illness and organic brain damage due to alcohol or drug exposure in utero will be seen as any other illness or physical challenge. When parents are freed from the bondage of the stigma, we may be able to more easily contend with the behaviors of our children.... because as long as their issues are seen as being caused by us, we have an uphill climb.

1 comment:

AdoptAuthor said...

"[Adoptive] parents would like to pick and choose what they are given, and we have that right."

You think that's your right? And then you wonder why people say you made a choice???

Natural parents do not have that "right" to pick and chose. We accept the children we are blessed with.

More than 14 children adopted from Russia alone have been MURDERED by their adopters. Untold number o others have been sent back or put into institutions, or ranches etc. Many suffer all sorts of torture and abuse at the hands of the people who CHOSE to parent and went out of their way - and who were allegedly screened.

The problem is all about EXPECTATIONS and lack of proper and sufficient counseling.

Adoption is entrepreneurial with no regulations to stop anyone - even pedophiles - from adopting. The obscene amount of money spent on a child ups the ante on expectations of a healthy one - and there is a mind set of "purchases' coming with "guarantees."

Adoptive parents are often lied to by agencies and not told the full truth about the difficulties about taking children from orphanages. Many simply hear what they want to hear because of wanting a child so badly.

They are left totally ILL-PRARED to deal with reality and their expectations are askew - wanting a child to instantly bond with them after being deprived a normal infancy.

And then, yes, on top of all of that, those around them make "dumping" their problems seem like the solution.

Mirah Riben, "The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry"