To Go, or Not to Go, That is the Question

John has court tomorrow. Apparently last night he called the group home manager sobbing. He asked her to call his girlfriend (the vicitm's) mom for him. She said she couldn't do that -- that that was his lawyers job. She urged him to call me. He hasn't.

I briefly debated clearing my schedule to go to court and trying to help him in some way, but I knew that I would be tempted to bring him home if he had no place to go. His violence is not really that much of an issue with us any more but the last few times that he was here he took back the other boys stuff with him without asking. He also refuses to comply with our non-smoking policy and for some reason this is a huge issue for Dominyk. When he sees cigarette butts on our property he is convinced that some stranger has been smoking and even when we tell him it must have been John he won't believe it and is alarmed. Finally, there are items missing from the last time he was home that everyone is convinced he took.

With Mike everyone had pretty much wrote him off, knowing that he was a thief and a liar and that there stuff was not safe with him. They began to distance themselves and not get overly invested in him and all the stuff he was doing. They have learned to say know to him. But John is much more sophisticated and they all trust him and look up to him, which is why when he steals from them it is so much more painful.

So after talking with Bart he said that in all the times he has dealt with Mike he has never gone to court unless he was asked. Since John has not even called, showing up in court, while demonstrating love and grace, just doesn't seem like a good idea, even on my optimistic days.

So I'm not going. Apparently he is very scared and very sad -- sobbing almost -- to the group home manager. I know that he doesn't want to disappoint me and knows that I will be frustrated because I did all I could to prevent this, but isn't that the response of every parent?

Why does it bother me so much that these attachment disordered kids NEVER come to me when they are in crisis even though Bart and I are the ONLY ones who really care enough to do anything....