I realized again today that it takes much more energy to let go than it does to hang on tight. You would think that the opposite would be true, but in reality, it is much harder to let go.
This morning I had to let go. The only way for me to get everyone where they needed to be was to leave some of them unsupervised for a while and that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know what “normal people” with “normal kids” do, but I have a hard time not being there to make sure everything goes OK. Last night Dominyk’s sleepover did not go well. They didn’t say anything, but he forgot to tell them about meds and they brought him home almost 3 hours early, so I’m trying not to let my imagination run wild. Then I had to leave Jimmy and Tony at a wrestling match for 30 minutes and then drop Mike and Alisha (his “girlfriend”) at the recreational park and head back to watch Tony wrestle. Leaving anyone anywhere makes me nervous because of what might happen.
This is the way it is with other things, even in the spiritual realm. It is so much harder to have faith and let go than it is to hold on tightly with both hands. Especially for a control freak like me, letting go is hard to do.
It turned out OK so far though, and I told myself the whole while that letting go was the best option -- that whether I worried or not would not affect the outcome. And that’s true.
So on to more days of letting go.... (now if I could just let go of the fact that decision-makers will be begin meeting TOMORROW to discuss our future (along with the future of several others then I’d be the master of letting go.)
Not there yet.
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