Being a Grandma

Kim isn't thirty yet. She has three kids. She walks to our church on Sundays. She gave me permission to share her story.

I don't know the whole story yet... just bits and pieces. But I know that from the time she was two weeks old until she ran away from her Indpendent Living Program in Chicago at 17 with her two children, she never really had parents. She was a child that was truly "raised by the system."

Her story is filled with tales of abusive foster parents, a godparent she viewed as a mother figure who the county would never completely license, psych hospital stays, suicidal thoughts, failed classes, and at least 15 group homes as a teenager where she "slept with her eyes open." It is filled with a sense of emptiness and loss at the childhood she never had.

Her adult life as well has lacked roots. She has moved multiple times. The people she considers family she is not related to. The birthmom who has never really parented still shows up once and a while via phone to make empty promises that she never fulfillls.

She has had many times where she has wanted to give up. There have been times when her oldest two children have lived with their father. But she is proud that she has never had them taken away.

This past year she was given the opportunity to have a subsidized rental apartment in our town. She lives only 2 blocks from our church and decided that church attendance was something she was going to make a priority. So, even though our worship style is quite different and she is the only African American woman in our congregation, she began to come to church. Slowly she convinced her children to go.

This week there was no school and her oldest daughter, who is 14, had the same work program as Jimmy. The plan, since they have no car, was for her to take the city bus to her job meetings. Since I was going anyway, I agreed to come pick her up and since I didn't want the 9 year old to spend the whole day alone, she came here with us.

Two weeks ago her son, who is 12, had finished school in Minneapolis. He had been living with relatives of his dad until the school year was over so he could finish his sports as he is a gifted athlete. Kim kept telling me that he would be here any day. But on Wednesday I found out that the reason he hadn't come yet was because nobody could give him a ride. So on Thursday we headed up to get him.

We spent some time in the hood and people looked at me a little strange. But the family was thrilled to be back together and Shaquille's big smile made the five hour trip worthwhile.

On the trip Kim asked me if I had blogged about her yet. I told her I had not, but that when I did, I wanted to talk about us being grandmother to her kids as we wished we could be the parents she never had. She loved the idea.

So tonight while she worked, the kids, along with Mike and Kari and their kids and Tim, Sue and Sarah, came over for supper. We had 20 people here to eat and it was a lot of fun.

As I was taking the kids home, Tony and Sadie wanted to ride with me. They were trying to figure out how they could be aunts and uncles to kids older than them if I was the kids' grandma.

Our relationship wtih Kim and the kids will last as long as she lets it. This is our way to say to Kim, "we're sorry the system didn't do better for you." This is our way to say to her, "We're proud of you for how you are doing right now and for how polite you're raising your kids to me." This is our way to say to the world, "There is always something you can do."

Salinda said it best the other night at supper when we were talking about this family, "Sometimes I feel like The Campdens. I guess there isn't anything wrong with that.

So, I"m a grandma, and it feels great. And just like all grandparents say, "It sure is great that you get to take them home."