I happily gave Salinda’s friend a ride home after she was here for 2 nights. It was a 30-35 mile round trip and fortunately, her friend expressed gratitude for us letting her spend the night two nights in a row, and for letting her come on the youth group trip, and for the ride home to pick up her stuff, and for the ride to work, because by the time we got home Salinda sure wasn’t.
All I needed to do was to try and track down the truth about Friday night, which I am still not sure I have, and to let her know the parameters of her grounding. She can only listen to me for so long (today I think she may have made it 3-5 minutes) and then she shuts down, gets angry, and tells me to stop talking. I have tried the approach where you say a couple good things, then deliver the bad news, and then end with the good stuff again, but she never lets me finish with the good stuff -- always cuts me off before I get there. And if you are thinking that I should just say it anyway, you do not know how much me talking escalates her when she wants me to be quiet.
Her therapist says the less I talk the better. I delivered the news I needed to (which she will conveniently forget soon) so I guess I just needed to stop talking. Which I did. And attempted to enjoy the stony cold silence (with her CD blaring in the background. Fortunately, it was the song that I really like on her CD so I didn’t mind. In fact, the song was really helpful to me at that moment. She doesn’t know that though -- if I told her she’d never listen to it again).
So she is sulking. Hopefully she’ll get motivated and start doing the things she needs to do. But regardless, she will avoid me until 1:25 when we have to head down to her Probation Officer’s office. Now THAT should be a fun meeting.
Oh well. I’m going to try to keep reminding myself that I can only control my response, not her actions. Yes, my mantra.
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