She Won't Let you Be Her Mom, until She Knows She's Your Daughter

I've written many times before about "claiming" the adopted child. I have found that many families will have a child placed with them and view it as a "test run." They decide that they will see how things go for a while.

Problem is this: The child isn't going to trust you until they are sure they are staying. And this may take until years after they finalize. So, the adult has to claim the child first.

And if the adult does not claim the child, then everyone gets stuck. And the longer you wait, the harder it is. And behaviors escalate, etc. I think I'm repeating myself.

But the title of this post is something that I said to someone the other day. And it sums it up perfectly.

"She won't let you be her Mom, until she knows she's your daughter."

We can't look at a child in an adoptive placement and say, "Why don't you treat me like I"m your mom?" if we haven't already, in our hearts, say they are our child.

This could have been written much more articulately, but I think you get the point.

You gotta claim the child. And hold on and never let them go.