We are home, but boy am I crabby. I'm not even sure I should blog any of this, but I sometimes feel like quite the hypocrite. I mean really, yesterday I got paid to be the parenting expert and today I suck as a parent. And yes i said suck. Because my mother doesn't believe in computers so she will never know that I said it.
I got up at 5 p.m. so that my daughter could be in therapy by noon. And we drove for 6 and a half hours to be there right on time and then she refused to speak to the therapist. Even though she KNEW that we got up simply to get here there in time, even though she ASKED me to set up the appointment, even though she had to know this would piss me off so royally (yes, once again, I can say piss because my mother doesn't touch computers) she didn't say a word for 40 minutes with the therapist.
So, did I follow my own advice and disengage and ignore her. NO WAY. I let her have it with both barrels. I spent the whole week going out of my way to be nice and unselfish and I got that in return. So the remaining 20 minutes of the trip was me letting her know how I felt for a change. Like she cares. Ugh.
And then I came home to a whole bunch of news about people who lie and don't do what they are supposed to do. And that bugs me to no end. Knowing that they are lying to me. And do you know why it bugs me? It bugs me not because they lie, but because they think I'm stupid enough to believe them. And That annoys me. Horribly. And I could spend my time proving that they are liars but I am tired. I've been proving that kids are liars for 12 years and some of them are still lying, so whatever.
So I'm crabby beyond recognition because I am sleep deprived and my bowels have still not completely recovered from whatever virus attacked them several weeks ago and so I can't enjoy eating much and my stomach makes odd noises and I gurgles and then I have to spend a lot of time on the toilet which is only made better by the fact that I have a new addictive Iphone game that I can play while I sit there. I know, i know, too much information.
So I have come home and my children probably wish I hadn't and now tomorrow we have to haul a bunch of their ungrateful butts -- (just in case someone prints off my blog and gives it to my mom, I gotta say butts. I mean, i could get by with piss and suck ... maybe, but I can't do a**. That would be completely off the chart of acceptable. So butts it is) -- up to the metro so that Bart and I can audition for a video about children's mental health. Which is actually kind of funny because once again, I'm a hypocrite..... I tell people to be all "I'm so self-differentiated and I have this parenting thing down" and then I lose it.
I guess the bottom line is that I try hard. And maybe there are parents out there who don't mind putting forth TONS of effort to be a good parent and get so little back -- and most of the time I get it, I really do -- they are KIDS, they aren't going to give much back -- but then once and a while I just feel sorry for myself and get mad.
And now I'm feeling like maybe I shouldn't blog any of this because some critic might come along and write some comment about how I probably don't love my children or that I'm not a good mom or whatever.
But maybe not. I mean with me being this crabby, even troll commenters might want to steer clear.
10 comments:
Aw, you don't suck. You are just human is all. It is the one fatal flaw that we all suffer from. And you should take great pride in yourself being a fair and balanced reporter ;-)
If it makes you feel any better, I lose my marbles with my daughter at least once a day. I consider that AWESOME. You know why? Because I DON'T lose my marbles the other 7,876 times each day that most people would. And neither do you. You are awesome, too.
Everyone has a right to be crabby and have a bad day (or week!). Think of it as a chance to show your kids how healthy adults handle stress. You don't want your kids to think you're perfect! Then they won't be able to emulate you.
I hope you feel better soon. I think you are an amazing mom. Try to find some time to fill your love tank!
Mary in TX
http://marythemom-mayhem.blogspot.com
Mom to biokids Ponito(10) and his sister Bob(12)
Sibling pair adoptive placement from NE 11/06
Finally finalized on Kitty(13) on 3/08 - 2 weeks before her 13th birthday!
Finalized on her brother Bear 7/08. He turned 15 the next day.
" Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."
Well you cracked me up...and in our world, I call that doing a great job.
You ought to print it out for your next parenting class calling it "Keeping One's Sense of Humor While Struggling To Not Cuss The Little Buggers Out."
Great Post Girlfriend.
we all need to vent, it doesn't make us bad.
Marissa acts the very same way during her psych appointments. And, if it makes you feel better I have let her have it with both barrels before too.
If you suck, then you're a member of the same club I'm in. I've lost it too many times to remember in the last 6 years. Now with normal 14 year old hatefulness added to the not-so-normal after-effects of abuse, abandonment and adoption I really only have scar tissue for a tongue!
Everyone needs to rant once in a while. I'm surprised that yours isn't daily. Hang in there, Friend, you and you children are being prayed for.
Ain't being a parent fun?
You are entitled to let her have it with both barrels. Once in a while, we just need to let them know, even if it doesn't phase them, that we have feelings, get bothered, and are downright fed up. We're human.
I think you're an awesome mom and I have learned so much from reading your journey.
"And do you know why it bugs me? It bugs me not because they lie, but because they think I'm stupid enough to believe them. And That annoys me. Horribly."
Do you know what that is? It's the nail being hit squarely on the head.
Claudia - I could write some comforting psycho babble but I think I'll just thank you. I really needed a smile on this subject.
BTW, my standard response to them on the stupid lying is the following.
"You know, I was born at night, but it wasn't last night."
In His peace - Cindy
MoM(Mom of Many)
www.faithfulpromises.blogspot.com
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