Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Let me Say it For You

I am finding that going to the YMCA with Kari in the morning is an excellent way to start my day for many reasons, but one is that our conversation always leads me to a good blog post.

She and I were talking about blogging and why people read our blogs (OK, OK, Kari, I was the one talking about why people read MY blogs -- she's always waiting for me to make a mistake so she can pounce on me. Just kidding. Kinda).

And one of the reasons that I think I read some blogs or others read mine is because I say what you're thinking and feeling but you don't want to say it or aren't sure how to say it. A perfect example is Cindy's blog entry about desensitization this morning. Just yesterday I noticed this twice: Once when a new adoptive parent saw me at the clinic and was telling me about how her child stole, got caught, got the consequences and then she said, "Guess What?" with true shock and horror registered on her face. I said, "She stole something else." Almost like DUH! Except that I forgot that she is normal and has lived a normal life for more years than I have and she isn't quite ready for that shocking realization that consequences aren't going to work.

Another situation in my life which has completely desensitized me is Dominyk's perpetual noise making. I don't even hear it. And then I'm all like, "What in the world is everyone staring at us for?" until I realize that it is not normal for a 13 year old 200 boy to make shooting noises with his mouth ALL THE TIME no matter WHERE WE ARE. Sigh. But I'm oblivious to it all as my tolerance level has slowly increased by necessity.

Other times it is a more serious issue we have. Anger towards our children, or resentment as I blogged about earlier this week, or frustration, exhaustion, etc. You may think to yourself "I don't think I can take this one more day" but I'm typing it for all the world to see.

There is something comforting and freeing in knowing that my responses to the absolutely crazy circumstances of my life is normal -- the same thing everyone else would feel. And when I blog those feelings and you email or comment that you feel the same way, I can take a step back and say, "Whew. I'm not as crazy as I thought."

Having said that, let me post again about how I really feel today.


Corey said...

I think reading your blog (and Cindy's, and the blogs of Moms who have BTDT, and are still doing it) helps ME, because it lets me know that I can survive this, that I can get through the tough stuff and keep going.

But also, reading one blog in particular (and I won't say which one) helped me decide what I *couldn't* accept in my family, and when I HAD to insist that my son live away from us. Because I see that it *doesn't* get better, but gets worse, and that the supports DO NOT EXIST to help the family. That is awful to say, but true.

Once he was out, I was shocked by how desensitized we were to the trauma we were living every day, to what I was continuing to expose my other kids to.. it was awful.

Torina said...

Or maybe we are all just the same kind of crazy ;)

What is wrong with making shooting noises constantly with your mouth? LOL

I thought of you and Dominyk yesterday when I had barely crossed the threshold of our house coming home from work and I was bombarded with, "Can I have a pop?" which is also a constant in our house. We started a new thing with T that she can have one if she brushes and flosses immediately before (and in addition to all of her other brushings) having a pop. It is working...she hates doing it so she doesn't ask as often and her teeth are getting cleaner though the acid from the pop is probably rotting them out but I can't win 'em all.

I remember when T first started her new school after just moving in with us and she started getting in trouble MANY times each day (picture gore, blood, screaming, etc.). The first time, the principal called me and told me he "took care of it". I asked what he did. He said he brought her into his office and talked to her, she said she was sorry and she would "never do it again" with sincerity in her eyes. I chuckled and said "Good job!" sarcastically only he thought I was serious. He soon learned that she could do the same thing 100 times, apologize for it, and so on...yet he still wanted HER to change. And how he got to be a principal I will never know. Wow, I got off track.

Angela :-) said...

Yup. Desensitized just about covers it. I occasionally wonder just how much I am "used to" that 'normal' people aren't. lol

Angela :-)