Tuesday, August 18, 2009

An Odd Thing

Well, Salinda had her ultrasound done today and it's weird. I suppose if she were married and I was going to be a grandma in the same order that most people prefer to get there, I'd be rushing home to blog it. But somehow blogging the gender of my grandchild who will be born to my not-yet-married, 16 year old daughter seems weird.

Would you blog it if you were me?

ALso had a long talk with John today about his note that he was going to hang out with some positive friends from 1-3 a.m. That was his informing us of what his whereabouts. He ended up at Mike's which I figured he would, and now is acting ignorant, like he had no idea he wasn't supposed to do that. He's pretty slick but he isn't really pulling anything over on me. He is just doing his thing and thinking I'm playing along. Difference is, now he's 19 and on big-time probation, so he's the one who pays the heavy price if he makes a mistake. He's too old for me to try, in vain, to accomplish controlling him and keeping him out of trouble.

It's all odd -- this transition in my parenting -- going from an intense need to fix kids and control their actions to realizing that I really can't. It is hard to maintain my own anxiety.

But as you've heard me say, and as I've written in the past:

Lord, give me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the person I can
and the wisdom to know it's me.


Jill Miller said...

Yes my dear I would blog it. I was seventeen and pregnant with not being married once. I remember my grandma always telling me to hide my belly, she was ashamed of me being pregnant so young.
I knew it was not the ideal situation for me or my family but it happened and really I couldn't do anything about it from that point on but make the choices I needed to make for my unborn baby.
My mom was what she was at the time but I think she came around and was excited. She too had me out of wedlock and a teen, so really what could she say.
The father of the baby had a much harder time. He was so afraid of his parents finding out that when it came time for the baby to come he decided it would be better to kill himself than face what his parents might do or say.
I don't know what all this has to do with your comment but girl grab onto this daughter with all you have and try with all your heart to be excited about this unborn child. The deed is done and you can't go back by any means. You can only move forward with your love and support. I know this isn't something you and Bart wanted for your daughter but it is what it is. Grieve the facts that come with this pregnancy but for your daughter and your grandchild give your best self because I can tell you there will be a time when she is going to need you and need your exceptance. This grandchild might be one of the best things that happen in your life grab onto him or her and hold on for dear life.

Linda B said...

Jill's comment is good advice. Not having been in this position I didn't know what to say. But she has been through it and is sounding very wise to me. I imagine it's hard, but I would probably have to just suck it up at this point. And be so very excited when this baby is born. An innocent new little life.

Claudia said...

I guess I should have done a better job of explaining what I meant by my question.

I've kind of already arrived at the conclusions you are offering --

just wondering if I should announce if it is a boy or a girl to all of you or wait and let that be her news

Miz Kizzle said...

Have you seen the MTV show "Sixteen and Pregnant?" The moms-to-be, for the most part, are amazing. Yes, I would blog about it if I were in your place. A baby is a baby. No matter what your relationship with your daughter, he or she will be a joy.

Tiruba said...

Honey, you blog about shaving your legs and taking a dump (and that is just some of the reasons why I love you). If it is okay with Salinda, why not? It is life. Rejoice!

Anonymous said...

Yes. Blog it! I want to know if it is a boy or a girl.

Kat said...

Well, my adopted daughter is 19, married, but ditched the hubby almost immediately after the marriage and went back to an abusive bf. We are not too thrilled about the pregnancy, because we expect the baby to have a pretty crummy life. She can't live at home with us because her issues are too destructive to the rest of us. She has drug issues, is a high school dropout, and is on probation. Not a good recipe for success. She lives two states away and I don't know if we will even try to be involved in her life or the baby's unless she cleans up her act.

She constantly moves from place to place with only what she can carry, so we don't even want to shower her with baby things - she probably won't still have them in a few months. Can't give her money, as that would not likely be spent on appropriate necessities.

Very mixed feelings on all our parts.
We would have rejoiced had she stayed with her husband (the baby is his, or at least we're 99+% sure it is). He's at least stable and he loves (or loved) her.

Claudia said...

Kat -- sounds like you understand my mixed feelings. It's tough to be real excited, I think, when there are so many question marks as to how things are going to go.

Fatcat said...

Yes, I would blog it. It's a baby. We love babies, now matter how they get here.

I love your take on the serenity prayer!!!!!!!!