Thanksgiving Eve

A change in schedule always rocks our world, but today hasn’t been too bad. Got a letter to Mike written, got John picked up, got the first draft of the Thanksgiving letter written and went to the doctor.

Bart fixed us a nice meal, we haven’t had any severe meltdowns, and if we can make it through church tonight that will be good. We need to get everyone to change clothes and go to the Presbyterian church for our ecumenical service. The kids don’t like going to another church, as it isn’t as comfortable, so they will balk.

I’m debating calling MIke and ending the standstill, though I know I will probably get a rude reception. He hasn’t spoken to us for over a month, but instead of this distance making it better, waiting for him to call is just giving him the power. I realize that calling him will just open up the door for torture.


Well, just to make myself do it I stopped mid blog and I called him. He said he didn’t want to talk to me. Said he didn’t want us to call for Thanksgiving. Said he didn’t want to talk to his siblings on Thanksgiving. I simply reminded him that extending some effort could make things result differently but he was silent.

It is incredibly sad to realize that after pouring literally years of time and energy into a kid that the kid can just be done with his family. During the time he was locked up in Kid’s Peace with hope of coming home, he literally freaked out if he didn’t get his weekly call and his weekly visit. Now, because we can’t provide him with a snack and he can’t come home, he just wants to have us out of his life.

Well, it isn’t going to be quite that easy, but it is a tragedy. He was due home in three weeks until he had to declare to the judge that he didn’t want to come home. Now he will not be coming home. And forcing him to come home when he doesn’t want to be here would be disastrous for everyone.

When transitioning to adulthood, all kids have struggles deciding whether to hold on or let go. But it is pretty scary to realize that we have raised a child who, as my friend Cindy puts it, has feelings no different for me than his feelings for a cockroach.

We’re not sure what to do. I could call him daily even though he doesn’t want to talk to us and have the door slammed on me emotionally each day, or I can let him have his space. What is the answer?

I guess the solution for me for this night is to focus on the fact that 9 of our ten children are doing very well, appear to be attaching to us, and do love us. And hoping that when he “ages out” that he will return to our home to allow us back into his life, rather than to come back and steel us blind.