Tuesday, June 19, 2007

From Gate D40

I'm between planes.

I slept very little last night. And it wasn't because I had to get up at 5:30.

I wrestled and wrestled with the Mike situation again and again. We didn't adopt him so he could be homeless at 18.

Dare we try it again? He's so desperate.

We don't know anyone we could ask to take him in and we don't see that God is asking anyone to.

But when does a kid "hit bottom"? Is he there?

APparently not since he won't accept any of our suggestions. It's a situation I just don't want our family to be in.

So, i asked God for a sign. By tomorrow night I can tell you what that sign is.

Bet you're curious.

I'm changing planes... will be back in the air in less than an hour.

2 comments:

FosterAbba said...

If it were me, I wouldn't take him back in.

If you do, nothing will be different. He'll still be the same kid who does drugs, steals from family members, lies, sneaks around, puts tattoos on 12-year-olds and gets in trouble.

I think you have done all you can. Mike has to make the changes himself, and I'm not sure that's possible.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Mike Benson said...

What a difficult, difficult decision to make.

On the one hand, there's a great chance that he might go back to his usual pattern of behavior once he moves back.

On the other hand, it seems cruel to deny a family member a home.

What a strange situation: A lot of his behavior is based around his FASD and that will never change. It's sort of a biological condition, and it seems cruel to punish someone based on it.

We wouldn't turn someone away from a homeless shelter here in LA if they were handicapped, and that's essentially what he is.

It seems like the ideal situation is one where he has room and board with family members and a part-time job that is somewhat tailored to his diagnosis. An older brother or someone who can keep track of his work schedule and appointments. Tutors to finish up the last of his high school so he can get his GED. Obviously he needs structure and supervision, which is tough when you also have so many other moving parts to your home life.

But all of that has to begin with a step where he accepts diagnosis, and that ideal situation described above is hard to actually enact.

It's clear that you love your son a lot; it's a really tough decision.