I was wondering if I could get some feedback about a question I've been struggling with over the last week. For those of you who parent "adult" children and minor children at the same time, how do you keep the minor children "in line" without over-parenting the adult children?
We have a lot of guidelines for kids in the house, but we have loosened up on some of them for the adult kids. Obviously they still have to help out, they still have to be kind and not verbally abusive, there are no drugs or alcohol allowed here, they are supposed to let us know when they are coming and going and if others are with them...but a lot of smaller issues like what time they go to bed I figure is up to them.
I'm finding the "it's not fair" attitude on the side of the youngers (who of course, aren't that young any more) and yet I hate to go to a very restrictive environment for the "adults" even though I know that they are choosing to live here simply because I think it would be personally exhausting. Though not saying much is personally exhausting as well.
I know some of you are in the same situation. Do all rules apply to all of your kids at home whether they are adults or not? I'd love to hear how other people do it.
(And for those of you who are sitting back dreaming that when YOUR kids all get to be 18 they will make a nice transition into a college dorm, you may want to take off those rose colored glasses and read about your future. Right here and right now. This is the ONE thing that has totally blown me away ... I seriously believed that we would gradually have the children move out as they became adults and that they would build lives for themselves. Tomorrow, 11 of the 12, four of them 18 and over, will be living here. With us. In this house. Plus the grandbaby. So it really isn't working out the way I anticipated.)
p.s. I'm not as crabby as I sound. And I am for the most part enjoying having my adult kids and their friends, and their girlfriends, around. I just am not sure what's the best approach to take so that the younger kids are not affected.