Salinda did come home last night and she thinks that I think she was where she said she she was, but I know she wasn’t. I investigated her My Space messages this morning and she has been lying to us for weeks, violating her probation multiple times.
In addition, she has not been logging out of the computer like she is supposed to be, but using it as she wishes. Last night she left it on and one of the boys got on and the content that they were viewing was not appropriate according to our rules. Thus we are not going to be having computer in our home for a while, which is going to make Salinda very angry.
Right now I have one goal -- and that is to control myself until we get through the day. Tomorrow I will be forced to call her Probation Officer and we will deal with everything. But for the first time in years, I agreed to allow the younger kids who wanted to to prepare a Mother’s Day celebration to do so. Historically, there have been some kids of mine who made sure that Mother’s Day was hell, so we stopped celebrating it.
I have a personality where I like to take care of things quickly. My initial desire when I awaked at 4:30 and could not go back to sleep was to go wake her up and confront her with everything. If she and I were just she and I, I would have had officers here in the middle of the night last night, probably. But instead, I want to think about the other people who live here and how disruptive she can be when confronted.
So, I have to keep my mouth shut and get through the day, at least until evening. And if we don’t have an altercation, before then, I will just try to reach the P.O. first thing tomorrow morning and give her the full report.
She has managed, within our “rules”, my very crafty lies and manipulation, to violate her probation multiple times. I don’t know how we can keep her safe from herself. In fact, I’m sure we can’t. So who knows what the future holds.
All I know, is that I should never have even thought that we could have an uneventful Mother’s Day. But I do not want to deprive the children who love me from their opportunity to give back.
So I am giving myself many lectures and telling myself to stay calm and not ruin the day. We’ll see how far I can go. I don’t know how some of you are in situations like this, but my tendency when I hold things in is to do so for only so long and then really blow.
I hope that doesn’t happen today.