Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Facing the Faceless Days

I have not been this discouraged in a while. The combination of lack of sleep and all of the drama that Salinda is putting us through is pushing me very close to the edge. I really needed to lose weight this week to keep me encouraged, but I didn’t. So if you want to find out that bad news you can go to the other blog and read my pathetic whining over there.

Salinda had permission to do homework on our computer until 10:00 p.m. I told her that I would be reviewing what she did and that she only had permission to do homework. Instead she was on until 2 in the morning and now this morning is refusing to go to school.

I talked to her mental health worker who suggests that I allow her to have too much control and that I need to just parent her like I do everyone else. I am already nervous about how the afternoon will go. When she is out of sorts she punishes the whole family. And without Bart here for the support it will be more difficult.

But I talked to Bart who pointed out to me again that I can only control myself. Obviously, my multitude of words is only escalating her behaviors and making her angrier. She is not understanding what I am trying to tell her. My attempts to “scare her straight” or “provide an intervention” or “give her a wake up call” are not working. So, I’m back to shutting up and trying to control my mouth.

I am exhausted, and when I am tired and my feelings are hurt and I am discouraged, controlling myself is a very hard thing to do.

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