Still Going... but Just Barely

Yesterday was a killer day for me. On Monday I focused on surviving Salinda and controlling my response to her. By the time the day was over I felt great, but was exhausted. Yesterday I had the lap band appointment in Twin Cities and traffic there was awful. To top it off, something that I cannot blog about, or even share with people, happened that was very difficult for me.

I got lost after the appointment and then drove to another meeting, getting lost on the way. My exhaustion and emotional stress had caught up with me and I was blindly driving in circles for a while. After my appointment, I headed home to find that Jimmy needed a ride home, Ricardo needed a ride to the game, and Salinda was demanding a ride to the park. I did not adequately control my response to her. I let her have it, basically, and explained that there was really no reason why I should do anything for her. I finally told her that I would do it only because I loved her, and for no other reason. On the way to the park I explained to her that it was rainy and cold. As soon as I got home she asked me to bring her a blanket. I had no emotional energy left so I just took her the thing. Maybe some day these “demanded acts of kindness” (ooooh, cool phrase) will at least be remembered by her.

I then took sweet Sadie to the store. She could tell that I was really upset, and she bought me a card that said,

“You’ll make it through this difficult time because you’re strong, you’re resourceful, and you’re not alone. You’ve got friends who really care ... like me.”

It made me tear up. She is so perceptive and sweet. I hope she can remain that way.

The high point in my day was getting this letter from the doctor.

And I went to bed completely exhausted and then slept maybe 90 minutes the whole night, tortured by dreams that didn't make sense and yet made so much sense. I hope I never live a day like yesterday again.