i picked up Salinda who announced that she would not be going to graduation. And following that we had a "discussion" that was really me ranting and raving and lecturing and not controlling myself a bit. I'm a bit ashamed, BUT, it was conversation -- she actually expressed herself many times instead of sullen silence. I pointed many things out to her... many, many things, as those of you know how me well can certainly imagine me doing.
I then took her to therapy and since she refuses to talk to her therapist, I did, for about 40 minutes. I updated her, we strategized, and I felt a little better.
Then I sat in the warm van in the sun for a few minutes and decided I would turn things around. I decided that I had absolutely nothing left to say that was parental or in lecture mode, or even to yell or rant about. I would just be repeating myself. So, I decided to see if I could create a different atmosphere in the van when she got it.
I offered to buy her lunch. The lady at the drive through at Arby's (yet another wrap consumed) was very confused, so that got us laughing. Then we spent the whole way back to school chatting about various things as if we were dear friends. Sigh. She is making a choice she will regret as an adult, and I'm sure there are many who would say that we shouldn't let her make it, that we should force her to come along.
BUT.... the stress level tonight and tomorrow will already be so high that forcing her to come may provide us with something more than Bart and I can handle. His mother is coming down to meet us there, and neither Tony nor Dominyk do well in hotel/ceremonial kinds of settings. So adding Salinda venom would be too much. Rand won't be able to come to graduation either, as he has to work, and Ricardo has a soccer game, MIke is in jail, and John is in juvenile detention. Not going to be a "whole family affair" anyway.
Sometimes it would be nice to be "like everyone else" and do what other people might expect of us. But we know what we can handle and how we have to do things.
But at least on the way home, I controlled the atmosphere. She left me for the weekend in a good mood and with me telling her I loved her, so if I die in a car wreck her last memory of me won't be the lecturing, can't take it anymore, freaking out mother (who more than likely had flared nostrils and smoke coming out of her ears) that she rode up to therapy with.
And maybe that's the best I could do today. Another day, I might be able to do better.