Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Even Though It's Not about Me, It's All About Me

One of the paradoxes of the life of an adoptive parent who has kids with issues such as RAD and FASD is that while it's not about us, it really is all about us.

It's not about me in the sense that I cannot focus on what I am getting out of the relationship, nor can I assume that my parenting is what is making the kids act the way they do. It's about the kids and their issues and we have to love them regardless of what they give us in return.

However, when it comes to what we need to do and change, it's all about us. We have to change ourselves because we can't change the kids and we have to control our own emotions.

I realized lately that a majority of my day is planning my thoughts -- what I will allow myself to think about and dwell on -- and in controlling my own emotions... my stress, my anxiety, my anger, my resentment. I give myself a talking to all day long about what I should be thinking about and feeling.

Today I have a couple meetings plus I may be asked to go get Salinda. She wanted me to yesterday, but since I had just made a special trip there on Saturday to take her her stuff so that she could stay there another week and I figured she was in the middle of a fight that she wanted to run away from, so I decided that I would wait a day and see if it cleared up. I haven't heard from her yet this morning.

There are days when I can just feel my own anxiety getting the best of me. I'm going to work hard today because in that respect, it's all about me....


Cindy said...

You're singing my song, the stress is tremendous, isn't it?

GB's Mom said...

we have a whole chorus!

Katie said...

what are some concrete tools though?! i appreciate respite, but it still is so quickly challenging--- yes, for me! they are just being themselves! i know i am meant to be where i am- but somedays i just dont feel wired for it!! any words of wisdom??

Greg and Brandi said...

Thanks for sharing that Claudia. I fight the anxiety too... and I am just worried about my foster kids (who are basically low maintenance)going home. Your blog reminds me on a regular basis that I need to be grateful for what I have... and get over myself!