Monday, April 19, 2010

The Pain of Choices that Aren't Mine

I will not blog details, as they are personal and difficult, but I have a couple of kids who are facing the pain of their own choices. And they come to me, and they acknowledge that it entirely their fault, but the heavy weight of the consequences of their choices staggers them. It is during these moments, when they are not being defiant, or defensive, but simply communicating their own pain that I feel the worst. Because I did my best to prevent this pain... my very best.

And now the situations are beyond my control completely and I have to watch them suffer.

Of all the things that I have experienced as an adoptive parent I think this is the most difficult.... to watch someone be in pain and not be able to change or fix the situation they are in. And in some cases, the situations are going to last for years.

Could I step in and try to control things and fix them? I could but I would be uninvited and just cause more anger towards me. So I sit and watch them feel their pain... the pain that all could have been prevented.

I have a few children that don't have to learn the hard hard way. But I have a few that learn no other way. And it's no fun to watch.


GB's Mom said...

I have been there. There is no worse feeling then knowing your child HAS to learn the hard way, and being unable to change that fact. I am sorry. {{{Hugs}}}

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate to every. single. word. My Older Kid always has to learn the hardest way possible. I always feel sorry for him when he finally gets it and it is always too late by then. And I know it will happen again and again. You are not alone in this one. A hug for you, my friend.