Friday, April 02, 2010

Maybe We Seem Like "Role Models"

but we're not. Sometimes I think we are barely hanging on by a thread. Last night was one of those nights. I usually keep some people's secrets, but I don't want you to think that it was Mike who took the cash card so I'm going to tell you it was John. With some help from Tony. But John I believe took the money. Last weekend when we temporarily misplaced the card, and again yesterday.

Of course, he tried to blame Tony for telling him the PIN number (why is a kid who can't seem to remember to brush his teeth SO good with numbers?) as if because he had the number he was forced to use it.

I'm annoyed, disgusted, and feel used and manipulated. The main reason I think that I feel so icky about this is because John is so smooth. He is the one who always wants to pretend to be above everyone else, the one who hugs me and tells me he loves me in front of his girlfriend, the one who can't believe it if one of his siblings does something wrong. He's always so shocked that they would do something to hurt us.

And he plays the pity card and gets everyone to feel sorry for him. Can sob at will. But I'm not feeling sorry for him this morning. I'm feeling sorry for me. And for his father. And for his brothers and sisters who look up to him but then get mistreated by him. And for his girlfriend and their unborn child.

The deception involved in this is the issue, as I"m sure you realize, is the issue not the $300 bucks or whatever the total turns out to be. It's about trust and manipulation and feigned innocence, and "helpful assistance" with suggestions of who might have taken it, and all the crappy stupid slimy stuff he does.

I know he doesn't always like it that I blog but this morning, for once, I think it shouldn't be about what he likes or doesn't like. As I've told my children more than once, "If you don't want something to show up in the blog, don't do it."

I'm not sure what we're going to do. Kicking him out would only result in his girlfriend's parents being manipulated into taking him in, and they are already going to have their fare share of extra responsibilities in the next several months. Pressing charges (if they would even let us do so) might result in an extra charge, but he is already going back to jail (supposedly). He goes to court April 23rd.

So, are we role models of forgiveness and grace? I'm sure not feeling like that today. Today I'm feeling incredibly broke as we have others who have "borrowed money" and haven't paid it back and with my hospital bills etc. we are pretty far behind.

And no, we're not having a pancake benefit. I can't imagine that "Come Rescue the Fletcher's from the Debt Incurred by thieving children" would have much appeal.

OK, I'm getting cynical now.

Funny thing is, we'll get over it. Worse than this has happened to us before, and, unfortunately, worse than this is yet to come. Love is a decision, and after all the fallout of this, I'll still love the slimy manipulative player who claims to love me. Maybe it's because I remember that little boy in the picture I just posted from 9 years ago. Or maybe it's because that's what mothers do.
So regardless we'll hang in there.

Because the bottom line is, he's not just anyone.


GB's Mom said...


FAScinated said...

The song is beautiful. Sorry life is crappy right now. If it would help, I'd come to the pancake benefit! ~Kari

Claudia said...

COME to the pancake benefit? If we have one, you're organizing it, Kari.

FAScinated said...


FosterAbba said...

Will you report the theft to police?

I'm sorry this happened.

Anonymous said...

And, she's my daughter...

Awoken last night at midnight. She is in jail facing a second degree drug charge. Woke up this morning and made calls to find out when her bail hearing was scheduled. Jumped through hoops to be there.

No, she can't come home. She runs when she is in trouble. She took a Tylenol overdose when faced with losing her car keys for a month. She cuts. I can't keep her safe or in the state of MN.

And, I weep. I am tired. I am discouraged.

Jennie said...

seems last night was a night for RAD crap. Sissy announced to us the she loves her IFI team.

no mention of us.

last week she informed us that she loves her stuffed cat more than us.

Miz Kizzle said...

That's awful. I feel terrible for you and your hubby and I feel sorry for J's girlfriend and their child.
He's all about surface with him and I suspect he might just be a psychopath and I'm not using that term loosely.
I'm an attorney and I've met more than my share of people who do things like J. did. They steal because they feel entitled and they're not sorry when they're caught; they're sorry for BEING caught. They're not sorry for stealing from their parents because in their minds the parents have "plenty" of money and they deserve some of it.
It's scary, but that's how people without consciences think.
At this point he probably wants the whole thing to blow over and for things to go back to normal. He feels uncomfortable but not guilty or remorseful.
Of course you know him much better than I do; these just are my impressions.
The only thing that I think works with kids like J. is being made accountable, either by being charged with the theft and letting the wheels of justice take over (and yes, you can do that even though you're his parents) or by selling some of his possessions to pay back the money he took.
I hope you changed your PIN number.

tbirdonawire said...

I'm so sorry. I have a pretty good idea how you are feeling. We decided not to press charges against our oldest after he burglarized us twice in one month. Let's just say the amount would have been a felony charge. He does not live with us and hasn't for quite some time. Let's just say he's probably got a warrant out for his arrest right now for cutting off a house arrest anklet a week ago for other things he's been convicted of. What was the point in us pressing charges when he was going to get himself put in jail for all the other things he does. He admitted to us he did it and we told him in no uncertain terms that what he did was basically steal his inheritance. It was that much that he took and he spent it all within 2 months.

But, he is our son.

Hang in there. Offering prayers for your family.