I have a bad cough and cold and feel lousy. And I have been a bit discouraged, but I've been trying to be positive. Just don't have the energy to be very energetic. Now that was a brilliant sentence. Whatever.
Last night I finally mentioned to our 21 year old that it was his turn for dishes. He has been home for 11 days and hadn't been asked to do anything. However, I didn't want him to use the excuse that nobody had reminded him, so I tried to be funny and ask if he wanted to be reminded, which resulted in me being called a "smart A**" which didn't go over big with me. He finally, sometime later in the evening, did do half of them, but the kitchen is still a mess. You would think that if 11 people eat, you would be able to figure that you weren't done with dishes if you only washed 6. But what frustrates me is that I'm certain that in his mind I'm supposed to be grateful that he washed the six.
It's not going to help to say anything, but I know how things are around here. People point to the least productive and set their standard. Tonight whoever has dishes will say, "Well last night so and so didn't have to finish them." But saying something will only escalate matters.
I am sure that the fact that he is going to work should be enough. I have really lowered my expectations. The "Guidelines for Adult Children" that I wrote haven't been followed in any way since he got home (I' not sure he even bothered to read them). But for me to be punished if I mention one thing that needs to be done it gets so very annoying.
Keeping my mouth shut is about the only strategy because talking doesn't make a difference.
I suppose that there are many people who have adults with FASD and RAD who are thinking I should be beyond grateful because he has a job and isn't in jail and to my knowledge, isn't breaking the law. And that is the part that is really annoying. Should I really be grateful for takers just because they aren't causing huge problems?
I know the answer, but I resist it with all of my being. I do not want to be grateful for dishes being half done, or for making it to one 35 minute service on Easter while skipping the main service. I do not want to be grateful for the bare minimum.
But lowering my expectations and shutting my mouth may be my only salvation. His future? It won't matter if what my expectations are or whether I talk or not... his life is going to be what it is. But if I don't turn my thinking around it's going to drive me nuts. And that is sometimes that just makes me crazy. I have been talking to others who have been doing a lot of crying. I'm not much of a crier by my brain does spin uncontrollably sometimes with the absolute unfairness of it all....
Do I sound negative? I hate being realistic like this. But sometimes it's just how I feel.