Monday, October 20, 2008

from MSP

That's Minneapolis, St. Paul... the airport.

Had breakfast with Mike and Bart this morning. Very good to see him.

I am freed in my new approach to parenting my older kids, which I've been trying to articulate not so well here in the blog.

I used to protect the kids -- all of them -- from what they MIGHT do. I used to make way too many choices for them, trying to make sure they didn't head in the wrong direction. And obviously, they did anyway.

So now I am much more free because I realize there isn't a lot I can do to stop them. They are going to do what they are going to do. If I let John come home, for example, and Salinda is influenced to do something she shouldn't, then she will be on probation longer and have more consequences. However, if I don't let John come home because of what MIGHT happen, I might not be able to help him as much as I could. He is talking about wanting to visit with a military recruiter, and I am convinced this is a very good option for him. So, I could work hard to protect everyone from making mistakes and not be able to do the good I might do.

Again, I can't put kids at physical risk, but I'm done protecting kids from making their own bad choices. I want to be able to be there for them and understand them more than to try to control what they do. Most of you have probably already figured that out, but it took me a long time.

And now I must board the plane. I got put on a different flight -- an earlier one, so I need to go....

1 comment:

robyncalgary said...

i really appreciate these kind of posts and how you feel youve changed over the years in your parenting, my daughter is only 6 but in reading posts like this one and the previous really helps me feel more prepared for parenting my daughter and how ill deal with it when she becomes a preteen and teenager. im already starting to feel this way as she goes into grade 1 in september, all i can do is instill the values and morals i want her to have and hope she makes good choices while out in the world without me. ive spent alot of time trying to protect her and i can now see that thatll only hinder her in the future, not help her. thanks for everything you share :)