I don't like being wrong. In fact, it bothers me quite a bit. While I want people to confront me, it's not a pleasant process for me to be confronted.
I deleted yesterday's blog entry because to rewrite it and explain it would be very difficult for me at this point. But a commenter pointed out the way it sounded to him, and when I re-read it I agreed.
There is a downside to having an Iphone. I looked at my email from the Y and the comment threw off my day because I was embarrassed and ashamed at the way it came across. I spent the whole time I was lifting weights debating what I should do.
One option is to quit blogging, which I am tempted with too often. WIth a personality like mine, with a mouth like a loose cannon, I'm really taking a lot of risks by putting myself out there. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. But it has become therapuetic for me and hopefully helpful to a few, so I am going to disregard option one.
Option 2 was to go ahead and post the comment and then respond to it. However, the chances of being further misunderstood in my attempts to explain were too great.
Option 3 was to email the person privately, which would be my preference, and hopefully come to an understanding and apologize personally, but there was no access to do that as the commenter did not have a profile.
Option 4 is to delete the post, apologize, and try to be more careful in the future. That is my decision.
The point that I was making in the post may have been understood by a few people who know me, but most likely was offensive to most. My point was this:
If you are adopting older kids from the foster care system because you believe that you will be personally rewarded or priased and thanked by your children, there are other things you could do with your time. If you believe that there is a guarantee that if you love them enough, pour enough of yourself into them, and give them your all they will "turn out fine" then you need to find another thing to invest your life in. There are many other ventures where the "success rate" is much higher and the outcomes a more solid guarantee.
To anyone who was offended by my words yesterday, I apologize.
There are days when the outcomes are so discouraging (like yesterday) that we wonder why we chose this path. We ask ourselves that question because it sure isn't feeling like it was a good idea. For those of you who parent hard kids, you get this feeling I'm sure. But that doesn't mean that we wouldn't do it again. It doesn't mean that we don't love and cherish our children. It's frustration, inadequacy and discouragement that can lead to momentary disparity.
But last night, after that particularly discouraging day, we had a pretty good night at our house. We had a family dinner with minimal strife, I gave and received many hugs, I helped three different people with homework, while Bart helped two others, and we began to feel more positive.
As many of you know, it's not about the absence of negative emotion and frustration, but it's about overcoming them with positive. It's about getting up and doing it again the next day even when you're tired. It's about a remembering the reasons why we do what we do.
And it's about admitting your wrong, to the public when necessary, and blogging again.