Lots of changes in a year

Having John back this weekend has helped me realized that there have been lots of changes in our family in the last year.

In the past, there was a general feeling of anxiety and stress in our home. It was partly due to the kids and their issues, but in retrospect, it was mainly do to my reaction to them. I have a few tragic flaws (although I know we're really only each, as humans, supposed to have one). One of my flaws is that the truth be told. Now my husband might say that truth is truth in my perspective, but I totally disagree with that. Obviously, my truth is THE truth.

Anyway, because of this tragic flaw about the truth being told, I used to respond to everything. I ignored very little. I was hyper-vigilant about preventing problems. I felt like I needed to be consistently correcting, admonishing, challenging the statements of my children. You can imagine how that went.

I've learned to ignore them. Now that may sound like not-so-decent parenting, but I have truly learned to ignore many of the things that my children say. And it has made a huge difference.

John came back into the family system expecting it to be the same as it was and did a good job of recreating it. By the time he had been here a couple days, he had done his share of stirring up the pot. However, my response to him, with one nasty exception, has been much calmer and I laugh more at him and take him less seriously. He just left the room saying, "i hate you mom" and I laughed and said, "I know you do" and he laughed too. Previously things would have gone much differently in that situation.

Bottom line: Ignore your kids. It works wonders. :-)