New emotion

From reading Bart's blog, if you do, you know that he took our oldest son back for his sophomore year at college yesterday and helped him move into his dorm.

A year ago I went along for Parents Weekend and participated in the excitement. As a former Christian college Dean of Students, it was meaningful, paintful, and joyful to me on many levels. It made me miss my former life as a single professional. It made me miss working with college students -- people with so much energy that can be chanelled in so many great directions.

It made me think about the years I spent investing in their lives, chanelling that energy, being a part of their development.

And when we were in the final parent/child ceremony (whose mission statement was "Make the Parents Cry", I shed tears as well.

But last summer Kyle was hardly ever home. When he was he seemed to be arguing with either Bart or I most of the time. He was not working full time, but his free time was never used to be a part of our family system nor to contribute to it. When he finally left for college I was not grieving. I was relieved.

I missed him some last year, but it is hard to miss someone who virtually was never around. When he was home he was either in his room or in front of the TV.

This summer was different. Through a program administered through the state, we hired Kyle to work with our two younger boys who need virtually constant supervision. Thus Kyle was spending time with at least one of the members of our family 40 hours a week. When we went out on family outings he chose to come with (getting paid to come along and help out made it worth it I guess) -- something he hadn't done since he was twelve (When he was twelve we learned that if we were doing something he didn't think was fun and we made him come, he would ruin the day for everyone, so since he was trustworthy and responsible enough to be home alone, we let him stay here).

So a summer of Kyle getting up to come and talk to me (even if it was about his work schedule) was much different than last summer when he wouldn't even grunt as he walked past me in the house. A summer of Kyle coming on family outings was much different than his "if it isn't a movie I want to see with snacks I ain't coming." A summer of overhearing him at least attempt to use some people skills to get along with his siblings was different than years of listening to him torture them.

I'm sitting at my desk for one of the few times in the last three months, I'm not going to have him stop by to mark his timesheet and find out the schedule for the day. For one of the few times in the last three months, I'm heading to Sioux Falls with the kids without his help. For one of the few times in the last three months he won't be here to direct, guide, and put up with for 8 hours today...

And for the first time, I think I truly miss him. He has become an adult and changed so much over the last year. And for anyone who knew him at 11, he is a completely and totally changed man -- by the grace of God and to the credit of his father.

Yesterday Bart and Kyle were discussing Nurture vs. Nature. Kyle thinks it's nurture. I agree. He's living proof.