Decisions, Decisions

This is one of those days when being the authentic, gut-level honest blogger that I profess to be makes me nervous at best. I don't know why I'm nervous -- maybe it is that there is so much local visitation of my blog that i'm never sure who is reading it. What if it is my kids friends? I know that people from our church read it .... what if something I say makes them have less respect for my husband as their pastor? What if the parents of people who might want to date my children read it and think "I'm never letting my kid get messed up in that wacked out family system" and it jeapordizes them? Or even "what if my kids read this later and are furious that I shared some of their story?" They all know I have the blog and I think only Rand bothers to check it, and he hardly ever appears here....

But then I have to go back to the reason that I blog. It isn't for the local folks or for our family -- though they are welcome to read. It is for those who are have adopted or are considering adopting. It's to help them see that they are not alone, to help them prepare for what might come, or to help them remember something that they have gone through. It's to join us together as adoptive and foster parents as we fight the battles that come with this territory.

So, briefly, I will share yesterdays difficult decisions. Right after hitting publish and blogging about Sadie yesterday, I got a troubling call from her counselor. She told me that she was doing a routine "check in" with all 6th graders and Sadie mentioned off hand that at times she feels like killing herself becuase her sister is so mean to her. She told the counselor that she is too afraid to tell us because of what might happen to her sister if she does. Wow.

So, I had set up appointments for therapy for Salinda and Tony today and I took Salinda. She said not a word to me from the moment I picked her up until I dropped her off. I had a conversation afterwards with the therapist who said she really feels Salinda needs some kind of long term assessment as she is still showing no remorse for anything that has happened and acts as though it is my fault she is on house arrest.

By the time I returned with Tony for his session, the therapist said she had talked to the Probation Officer and that if I reported what Sadie had said and what Salinda had done to both Tony and Dominyk on Tuesday night (threatening to hurt Tony, smacking Dominyk) that they would put her back into detention so that the other kids felt safe. I went to the station and we had it all set up for her to be picked up at school -- until the whole process got stopped on a legal technicality. I had to then go pick her up with the plan for her to be taken to detention today.

So, wouldn't you know it, she was perfectly fine all night long. Distant, silent, but appropriately polite and compliant. But things are set in motion and she is going to have no idea why she is sitting in detention again until I explain it to her.

Our therapist is most concerned that Salinda is unable to apologize and that her stress-inducing behaviors are taking their toll on her siblings and her mother. She is concerned, as are we, about bringing new kids into the home when Salinda is acting that way (but made it clear that she does not think we should postpone or stop the adoption). She thinks she needs an assessment.

We've made it this far. We are not interersted in another CHIPS petition, so we do not want to refuse to allow her to come back home. But we do think she needs some kind of evaluation to determine whether or not she is willing to do what she needs to do to remain at home.

We hate the reputation we're gaining by the choices our children are making and yet we are responsible, as always, to our younger children and to making sure our kids get the help they need. But in the meantime they are given opportunity to make any allegations they want to....

So as of right now it looks like we will be attending a custody hearing on Monday. Her hearing for her felony charges is on Wednesday. And we have a meeting about John's future, two therapy appointments and a dentist appointment already on the calendar. I really need to get something done other than dealing with this mess.