I spoke today. It went well. Six hours total of driving, but it was worth it. Good connections.
But that's not the terrible, horrible, awful very good thing.
This is,.
Tonight I met the boys olders sister and picked her up to take the four kids to dinner together. She was so angry and upset. She had no idea anyone was even considering adopting the boys, and had just found out that they would be leaving on Tuesday. There were no plans for her to get together with them before they left and she was so unhappy that they waited so long to tell them.
We had a very interesting 90 minute ride (huge accident on the interstate turned 40 miles into 90 minutes). I explained to her how we felt about splitting siblings. She told me that her brothers were her life and that she had raised them. Told me a lot about their lives growing up. I thanked her, as tears rolled down her cheeks, for taking such good care of them and being so nurturing. Explained to her a little about attachment and how she had helped them escape some serious issues by being such a good big sister to them.
She told me about school, her life, her dreams, her jobs. I assured her she could remain in the boys lives and that she was always welcome in our home. SHe's quite an impressive young lady with a real history. She's very straight forward and an excellent communicator.
We picked up the boys and we had a good dinner together. It was fun to see the boys again. They are just so charming and fun. We had a good dinner, but the goodbye at the end was heartbreaking.
We sat in silence on the ride home while she cried. She sniffled for a good 20 minutes. i said a few things, but for the most part I just let her cry. What could I say? I was getting ready to take away her family -- take them far away. Boys that she has considered her primary responsibiliity all of their lives. Boys she was cooking for when she was six. Boys whose diapers she changed, whose needs she has been meeting all this time.
I explained to her that I knew that nothing I said would make her feel better but that I hoped she knew that we would take care of the boys and that she would always be someone they loved.
She had a horrible headache by the time I dropped her off. She said very little. I thanked her for spending time with me. She thanked me for supper. She asked if we'd call when the boys got to MN. I assured her we would.
I drove home sad. I'm so glad I provided this chance for her to say goodbye, but I'm so sorry she has to. Sometimes life just is not what I want it to be.
I'm emotionally exhausted. My flight leaves at 7:30 so I ahve to get up at 5:15. More in the morning.
3 comments:
You did good. (((hugs)))
Poor girl, it is heartbreaking. I am glad she did get the chance to say goodbye.
I've been on the other end, caring for the parentified older child whose younger siblings were adopted. In some ways it freed him to be a child for the first time.
He often called the adoptive father of his brothers (and later their foster mothers when the placement failed). He would always drop everything if his brothers asked for him, but he never asked for them. He just wanted to hear from their caretaker on a regular basis to know that they were in good hands.
Will she be able to read your blog? Or will you send her photos and letters regularly?
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