A Discovery While in The Shower

I finally did shower and dress and I was actually alert and coherent in the shower, which doesn't happen often when I shower first thing,

This is my discovery "The longer you have a child, the harder it is when they head down the wrong path."

I've talked to lots of pre-adoptive parents who say, "I need to get the child when they are as young as possible so that build a relationship with them and have those positive memories." I agree with that idea in principle, but here is where it stops.

It stops when you have those years (Salinda came at six). We had 7 really great years with Salinda. She was bonded to us. She had no special needs and was a delight for seven years. The one child I could always trust, the most pleasant, the most helpful.

So now, when she is heading down a path that I know from experience I can not stop her from without her cooperation, the pain is deeper than it was with children who came older and who had lots of special needs. I feel more responsible (after all, we've had her all those years and she came young) and I feel more fear for her, and I have less resources because she has no mental illness and no special needs, and feel more trapped.

If she was moving in as a 14 year old, I would expect this kind of crap -- the defiance, the rule-breaking, the running -- and I would deal with it. But now that she is 14, the fact that she came at six doesn't give me more good memories to fall back on -- it gives me guilt that I couldn't be what she needed and do for her what she needed in order to keep her from making these mistakes.

Before I get too many comments, just let me say this -- I know that my feelings are just that -- feelings -- and not based on anything rational. I know that her teenage struggles and rebellion are not my fault.

But it occurred to me that the length of time a child lives with you before they rebel, at least in my case, does not make it easier to deal with, but harder.