Monday, September 18, 2006

Another Great Use of Blogs

I am alone and it feels weird. I’m being plagued by guilt and my efforts to surpress, repress, and ignore, oh yeah aren’t going so well and I can’t talk to Bart about any of this because his life is way worse than mine.

Due to scheduling conflicts and the fact that I need to work because we need the money, Bart is driving to his grandmother’s funeral with the 4 most-in-need-of-supervision of the 8 kids we currently have living at home. Mike, Tony, Dominyk and Jimmy are heading up to Emily with Bart because they won’t be home before I have to leave for Toledo. If Bart can’t make it home tomorrow night, the four who remain could make it alone for a night if necessary.

I have to go to court alone for John’s pre-trial for his assault and damage to property charges. I hate court (I think it is a mild form of PTSD I have about it) and Bart is always very calming and soothing in that setting. His Guardian ad Litem work as a single man helped him to get over the trauma of court before we even started all our own court stuff. I still get sick thinking about it.

But I am certainly not going to whine about that one little half hour to him when all I have to do after the hearing is come home, take the four most responsible kids out for supper and help them with their homework and then sleep, get them off to school and leave town alone for three days where I will not be directly responsible for anyone but myself.

The biggest problem, though, is that I feel awful about adding all this to Bart’s life. I feel bad not being with him and him having to deal with four kids who are tough to supervise and obnoxious and selfish. And I feel bad for leaving town Mike’s first week back at home.

So this is a great use of a blog. I can whine to cyber space that typically doesn’t whine back. And i don’t have to feel guilty about whining to Bart though he will probably skim this at some point.

Now I better get back to work. If I hyper-focus I forget that in 5 hours I’ll be sitting in that dumb court room...

No comments: