Repressing, Surpressing and Ignoring

I’m so good at this. I haven’t blogged about anything too serious this past week or so because if I do, then I have to think about it.

Tomorrow we are going to leave to go up north and have a “Family Circle meeting” with Mike. We have to be prepared to answer the following questions:

1. List 5 topics that you would like to discuss during the circle, we may not get to all of them so list them in priority:
2. What would you like to change about your relationship with your son/daughter?
3. How can you contribute to that change?
4. How can your son/daughter contribute to that change?
5. What could you say/do that might make it easier for them to change?
6. On a scale of 1-10 how easy is it for you to communicate with your son/daughter? Why?
7. What changes would you like to see from your son/daughter when he/she leaves our program?
8. How will you know if this is happening?
9. What will happen if your son/daughter does not follow through with his/her commitments to change?

I am not sure exactly how we will respond to all these questions yet, but we will have a seven hour trip tomorrow to discuss them.

I am repressing Mike’s return, really, because I am scared. I am afraid of the impact he will have on the other children, on my stress level, on our freedom to live like fairly normal people. I am torn between just deciding to let the chips fall where they may and doing my best to make sure that he makes good choices. After the summer with John, where I diligently worked hard to keep him home and everyone safe to no avail, I’m not feeling much like investing anything.

The biggest challenge for me is that MIke always comes home acting as if all of the consequences of the past should be erased and he should have a completely fresh start. WIth his FASD mind, that works great for him, but it isn’t real life and I can’t seem to forget that he robs us blind, takes advantage of us whenever he can, sneaks out at night, and negatively impacts his siblings. Even if the program he is in thinks that he has been miraculously cured, I have m y doubts.

So there you have it. I haven’t been blogging about this stuff because I’ve been trying not to think about it. And now, I am going to dive back into my ocean of emails, reports, and other such work and repress, surpress, and ignore it some more.