Saturday, September 23, 2006

Still Need to Make Some Progress

Apparently, i still have a long way to go.

When I speak I talk about self-differentiation a lot. I talk about how important it is to remove yourself from other peoples issues and disengage from arguments.

But it’s pretty obvious that I don’t take my own advice. I get all worked up about silly things. Part of the problem is that I have been running all day and I’m tired. It’s been a long week -- beginning with the arrival of Mike, going through the emotional impact of Bart’s grandma’s death, his preparing for her funeral, my trip to Toledo, and then another trip he took with Mike to see Kyle and attend a meeting this weekend all has added up. Today has been a day of running here and there getting everyone where they need to be as well as doing laundry and some cleaning all day.

This will prove to you that I am irritable when I tell you how everyone is annoying me:

Kyle is refusing to accept responsibility for something stupid he did a few weeks ago and is being unreasonable, unChristian, unrepentant and just plain dumb;

I found a notebook of Rand’s with lyrics to a rap song apparently he and John were writing. Full of nasty language and overall stupidity. I’m irritated with both of them. And, when I get irritated with John it just takes me down that long, ugly road of remembering the last two years.

Mike, who declared that his focus was going to be on his family, getting a job, school, and his future is already complaining and unhappy that we aren’t driving him to places far from here to see the myriad of friends that he met in various detention centers around the state. His only focus is himself and his friends. He hasn’t done a bit of homework, hasn’t made any efforts to get a job, and spends almost all of his time either on his phone or attempting to get together with whoever he can. He and Salinda have a “cover each others’ butts” philosophy when together, but when apart Mike bad mouths her.

Salinda is so involved in the 8th grade social life that she is oblivious to the fact that anything else exists. I am expected to be omnipresent to meet her and her friends needs. Tonight she had a friend here for dinner and I worked hard to make sure we ate in time for them to join us before getting a ride to a movie. When she suggested they weren’t going to eat after they came home and made a frozen pizza without permission at 3, I said “no, you will be eating the meal I just orchestrated.”

Tony is demanding incessant attention all the time. He gets an idea in his head and then he is determined that it is going to happen. A person who does not comply with his every wish is subject to endless screaming and begging.

And Dominyk is socially inappropraite nearly all the time. Just because we’re around other people or have company doesn’t mean he is going to make any effort to be good.

Jimmy does everything that he can to provoke whoever he can into a frenzy by repeating things he hears, tattling when he can, and bossing people around. He did let Salinda’s friend know, however, that he was pretty sure nobody at school knew that he and Salinda were sisters, which cracked me up and gave me one of the few laughs of the day.

Ricardo disappeared for an hour with Dominyk today and didn’t do his chore.

Sadie can’t keep her eyes or hands off anything on either of my desks even though she knows that it is my pet peeve.

So, as you can see, 10 of my 10 children are each responsible for a portion of my irritation at this time. But nothing is major. But when I’m irritable, I get irritated and it appears that the kids are irritating.

But it’s probably all me.



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