The PO and the county worker did both show up at 11:00. We told them the whole history. They will be meeting John tomorrow.
I don’t know how to summarize the whole situation without going into endless details, but the bottom line is that they appear very supportive, they are not trying to convince us to let him remain here, and they are listening to what we have to say. You can tell I’m not all that trusting at this point, but I am a little hopeful.
One of the things that I thought was interesting is that the social worker said that maybe this time John needed less involvement from us and some time to think about his future and get his act together without a whole lot of expectations for us. He seems to think that John needs to understand the consequences of his actions and to begin to plan for adulthood without us to use and manipulate. I’m not sure how I feel, but I do agree with Cindy and I quote her from today with her experience with Fabian:
I told him ... I doubt I'll visit at YDC. It's not fair to leave the many good kids who've remained at home to visit the one who physically threw me across the room and threatened worse violence. He understood, it's the kind of message I have always sent to my children.
I had been feeling a little bad for John that he wasn’t getting visited, but we spent a whole year working our schedules around he and Mikes visitation schedule, making the other kids in the house like their visits were more important than other stuff in their lives. And as Cindy says, it’s really not fair.
Ah the joys of this life we’ve chosen. Hopefully court on Wednesday will not be demeaning and finger-pointing and we can just move on to get John the help he needs.
I don’t know how to summarize the whole situation without going into endless details, but the bottom line is that they appear very supportive, they are not trying to convince us to let him remain here, and they are listening to what we have to say. You can tell I’m not all that trusting at this point, but I am a little hopeful.
One of the things that I thought was interesting is that the social worker said that maybe this time John needed less involvement from us and some time to think about his future and get his act together without a whole lot of expectations for us. He seems to think that John needs to understand the consequences of his actions and to begin to plan for adulthood without us to use and manipulate. I’m not sure how I feel, but I do agree with Cindy and I quote her from today with her experience with Fabian:
I told him ... I doubt I'll visit at YDC. It's not fair to leave the many good kids who've remained at home to visit the one who physically threw me across the room and threatened worse violence. He understood, it's the kind of message I have always sent to my children.
I had been feeling a little bad for John that he wasn’t getting visited, but we spent a whole year working our schedules around he and Mikes visitation schedule, making the other kids in the house like their visits were more important than other stuff in their lives. And as Cindy says, it’s really not fair.
Ah the joys of this life we’ve chosen. Hopefully court on Wednesday will not be demeaning and finger-pointing and we can just move on to get John the help he needs.
1 comment:
My heart aches for you and Bart. It's one of those been there done that kinds of things. At one point we were so focused on one son that we also felt we weren't being fair to the other kids. It's so hard. And harder still to make others understand that we took these kids for better or for worse, and we can't just stop loving them! I hope to see you when we get home from our Alaskan adventure, which will be this weekend! Until then, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Marge
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