I think that parenting is like an amusement park ride. Some people choose the Carousel. They have 1.7 children by birth and begin their ride through life slowly going around in circles. The horses go up and down sometimes, but overall, it's pretty calm and predictable. Other times people think they are getting on a ride that is more calm than it turns out to be, but it's still not too terrifying.
Adopting a child who is a victim of abuse or neglect is like getting on the roller coaster. You experience really high hills that are very fun and some calmer times that are very pleasant, and you also experience rapid downhill surges that make your knuckles white and cause you to grit your teeth. There are many times on the ride where you say to yourself, "What in the WORLD was I thinking? This is scary. I don't like this. This is insane." But never once do you jump out of the car because you know that the best alternative is staying in your seat and riding it out.
And from what I hear, once the ride is over, you look back and say, "That was great! What a Ride! A much better choice than the Carousel."
Adopting a child who is a victim of abuse or neglect is like getting on the roller coaster. You experience really high hills that are very fun and some calmer times that are very pleasant, and you also experience rapid downhill surges that make your knuckles white and cause you to grit your teeth. There are many times on the ride where you say to yourself, "What in the WORLD was I thinking? This is scary. I don't like this. This is insane." But never once do you jump out of the car because you know that the best alternative is staying in your seat and riding it out.
And from what I hear, once the ride is over, you look back and say, "That was great! What a Ride! A much better choice than the Carousel."
2 comments:
I debated not publishing this comment and responding to you privately, but since this is not an option, I guess I will respond.
First of all, I apologize to you and anyone else who felt like I was slighting you. I believe that I said that adopting A child who is a victim of abuse and neglect was choosing a roller coaster ride. At that point I wasn't talking about multiple children or even large families ... I was just pointing out that adopting a kid from foster care is pretty much a guarantee of a rough ride.
The reference to 1.7 birth kids was just my attempt to describe what most people think will be the statistically perfect life.
I agree with you that we don't always choose carousel or roller coaster families. However, in my experience, many families who plan to adopt a child with a traumatic history really are counting on a carousel ride. It is not fair to them to let them believe that that is what they will be.
And finally, I don't know now to respond to the victim/martyr portion of this comment. Unfortunately, with what has happened in our lives within the past year, sometimes I do feel like a victim. But I certainly don't want to appear as a martyr. Part of my issue is that I tend to post when things are bad and am too busy enjoying life to post when I'm feeling good. I'll post more on this.
I won't keep going. I am sure now that I am appearing defensive, so I'm not sure where to go from here.
Having spent time with Claudia in two different states, under two different circumstances, I find her to be hilariously happy with her life. This really comes across in her public speaking engagements. I can "hear" her voice as well as she writes her blogs. Her kids are blessed to call her Mom.
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